*******

If I dont mention it

If I dont say it 

If I dont ask about it 

Even if I have a calm/blank (or whatever you want to call it) facial expression

It does not mean that I dont care

kanyang

Sesungguhnya, nya orang.... makan atu sebelum diri lapar hantap, beranti sebelum tani rasa kanyang (hantap?)..

iatah tu nah padahnya inda dgr cakap orang

padahya.... akhirnya..

diri terasa sangat bloated.

kan jalan pun malas

kan bangun pun malas

aiiiii.... ujung2nya tidur

mal mal.....

Time

Time is of the essence. 

I've been thinking a lot... 

What should I do during this long holiday. 

I've been telling myself that I need to do so, and there is no time to waste. 

So I will be starting this soon.... 

I'm just gonna study all my 2nd and 3rd year stuffs...

Hahahaha, good luck with that Amal, you're gonna have to do it before you go back to NZ.. hohohohoho 

Insya Allah....... 

Miss

Just got a really good news from a friend. Truly happy for this friend of mine.

Speaking of which, I started to look at the pictures that I shared with this friend of mine, and I stumbled upon another 'friend' of mine, (just put in between 'x' because I dont know if that person still regards me as a friend) which i havent really talk in a long time, due to something happened,

Hmmm... so now this is like a confession, that truly comes from my heart which I only told two person since it happened. I realised that I really miss this friend a lot. Since then, I didnt really tell people about how I really feel about this friend, even to say the name, just made me think back of what had happened, which makes me really sad on why I have lashed out, and thinking maybe I needed space, a lot of space to think it over and over again. When I think about it over and over again, it tore my heart to pieces again, and I asked myself, 'how COULD you?'... 'How COULD you do that to a friend who's been by your side for quite a long time?' This guilt refrain me from reaching out to the friend, it seems like Im trying to ignore this friend, im not.. though i was being texted, i refrained from answering back because of this guilt of mine. Im such a weird person right? The solution is actually easy, but my heart and mind just wanted to make me take the complicated path, which I dont know if I can go back to it. Just thinking about this, makes me feel sad. How could I, as a person, would ignore another person who's been supporting me a lot before?' How could I?

At a certain point, I would think that maybe I would not cross my paths with this person. Maybe I wont see this person ever again, but it proves me wrong. Everyday, i would see this person's name, regardless is on the internet or the photos that I stumbled upon or the cards (birthdays) which this person signed and sent it to me.

I talked to another friend of mine about this and told this other person that its not easy for me to make the reconcilation, its not that I dont want to reach out to this person, its just that I dont know how to overcome the awkwardness... I just dont know how. My guilt made me feel awkward to reach out, entahlah, somehow... its so hard for me to just text this person and say hi. I seriously do not hate this 'friend', even to text on harijadi pun I didnt, because I feel awkward and guilty. For so long, I didnt get in contact, and suddenly on the birthday, I texted... for me, it really sounds not sincere. Not sincere at all.... 2 birthdays and I didnt say happy birthday.

And know what..

Dont know if this 'friend' is gonna read this... but all I want to say is Im Sorry.. and I am sorry that I could not say this in person to you. I just could not face you at the moment. All I can say it that I am not ready. Not ready yet at least. I am sorry for not even saying a word with you when we met because my lips just wont say anything, my mind blanked at the mo. I am sorry that I didnt treat you right since it happened, and I am sorry for being such a bitch. If I could turn back the time, I would to prevent all this from happening again but now, all I can say is that I am sorry.

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Sesungguhnya mood ku masa ani inda baik banar...

So.. i should just refrain from saying out anything that might hurt other's and my feelings..

and so I am out....

Till then, i will blog when my mood is heightenedly improved.....

when's that gonna be? I dont know...

Thoughts

If you can read my mind, you will be surprised to find out what exactly the things running through my mind now. Holidays just made me think a lot of things. A lot of things. Some of you may know and realise that, you probably dont know much about me, as much as I know about you guys. That is how secretive I am. Yes, i do talk about daily lives and all, but do you actually know what's in my mind, really? Not that I think people as #$@@3.. because I dont. I prefer not to think of other people in a bad way, not even after I am on bad terms with them. Simply, if I had a rift with someone, I would think of it as mostly my fault, and not the other person and you know why? Because it made me feel better about the other someone.

As secretive as I am.... since dari dulu sudah, I had troubles conveying my thoughts and emotions to people. I dont know how to tell people my exact thoughts about certain things. Okaylah, for example..... this is just an example... not MY REAL example.... okay, for example a person who A likes... A so desperately wanted to find someone to talk about the crush with someone, but she just has difficulty in telling, even to the person who she trusts most. You get what I mean? I dont know, its just hard for me to tell someone about something. I dont know why? Is it because that trust is just not enough for me to tell someone else what exactly is in my mind. Looking at others, or maybe on facebook.... it seems easy for people to directly write out their feelings on certain things, for example "that girl is f#$king bu#$#@#$it...... such a dumba@#" I read this a lot on facebook, but somehow if I feel so geram hati with a person, or so sad with a person, I just could not do that openly.. or maybe tell other people.

That is why I tend to keep most of my thoughts to myself and not to others. Sometimes pikiran atu yang membuatkan diri want to explode, sometimes when I think of these thoughts, I feel really............. bleeeeggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...... Maybe I havent found someone right to share these thoughts with. By saying someone, Im not talking about THE 'person who I am going to spend the rest of my life with'.... What I meant, is just a friend who would want to listen to my thoughts and ramblings, and of course, vice versa..  Someone who could stick by me all the time. Somehow to find that kind of friend is not easy. It is not easy. Hmmmm.......

I dont want to be a 'friend who comes with benefits', of whom to be thrown away when not needed and to be called when needed or a friend who is just a substitute just because the other 'more important' friends are present. I dont like to be viewed or to be thought as such. Somehow I do wonder these 'friends' are which kind....

Maybe most people viewed me as such.... A friend who only needed a friend when she needs one. That is a total bullshit. To be honest.. I appreciate someone who appreciates me.. and apparently, not everyone appreciates my presence in their life. Sometimes I feel bad, because I seldom go chat with someone  (Buz, Anis) when I am busy ( well, i AM busy now doing spring cleaning in my house and go jalan with my mom and siblings)....

People may think I am stupid enough not to realise something. I'm quite observant with people's expression, and I know if someone is particularly interested in something or to be exact, a conversation.... or not. Or maybe its just a feeling, but it is strong enough for me to think its what it is.

Anyway, enough of this. Too much free time just made me think a lot. Now I am just happy to spend MOST of my time with my mom, dad, aunts, siblings and cousins. I dont feel stressed, depressed when I am around them and these people are truly my friends for life.

Note: Buzz.. sorry batah dah inda ku chat. My internet sucks in my room, kadangnya ada.. kadangnya nada. Nanti tani chat ah... :))

-------

Its been more than a week now, im back in Brunei. I was kinda hoping that this would help to rejuvenate my current being from all the stresses that I have this year. Alhamdulillah, next year I will only be focusing on my studies and there is no need to worry about this and that. I will have more free time to go out and relax *hopefully*, without having to worry about 'work', as I did throughout year. Its not that I hated the job, the fact is that I hated the stresses that came with it. I love it, its just that, im unable to cope with loads of stresses. So which means that I need to find a new way to cope with the stresses.

Anyway,

I was doing this introvert personality test, and hahahaha i think i have quite an introverted personality, well according to that test.

I feel comfortable around people that I know more about, than those who I only know sikit2. I love spending time alone, when relaxing, but that depends how my mood is. If not I will just go jalan-jalan or go shopping, sometimes alone, sometimes not. Around lots of people, more than 10-15, ill just feel quite overwhelmed SOMETIMES, but if im having fun, maybe not..

I dont know, i feel now in Brunei, having my holidays and jarang jalan2 especially with friends is making me feeling quite introverted. Well, i do have my siblings to go jalan2 with, hah.. to do that for 3 months... we will see.


I wonder sometimes, what should I do to fill in these free times. I do have a plan to study though... to make sure that I keep up when I start school next year, so bila kana tanya during clinic, I would be able to answer them. But now, I think i will put my studies aside first, at least for a while.


Hmmmm we willlll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....


My exams result came out... and not saying that I am really happy with it, but it suits my effort in studying for the exams. I will do better next time. For now, I am just happy that I passed, and happy that at least its not low! hehehehe I was particularly worried about prosthodontics. To be honest, I seriously was not expecting that question to come out, but luckily it was only about applying a certain topic. Sheesshhh nasib jua inda panic! mun inda... kadaboooommmmmm.... Alhamdulillah everything went well!

Camera

 

I promised that I would upload this, long time ago. :P. I was too occupied with things. So here you go. This needs to be upgraded though. Maybe when I start working, ill start buying the additional gadgets. Masa ani, kering kontang poket, so alum lagi dapat bali. Insya Allah if there is rezeki, maybe will buy :)))) First thing to buy will be external flash. So will see how it goes. 

*^_^*

You know when you feel hurt or inda puas hati, you feel you want to make those who made you feel as such will feel the feelings that we had when we're hurt. Tapi come to think about it, in the end, you wont feel the satisfaction, instead you will feel remorse for hoping that they will feel so.

The mindset 'iatah rasaku tu' is not good.

No matter how sakit hati you feel, we should not have that kind of feeling at the back of our mind.
I just need to remind myself of it. If we dont like what happened to us because of someone's doing, you would not want anyone else to feel so, right?

Human mind is complicated.....

Heavily Guarded

http://www.toonpool.com/user/562/files/cage_408815.jpg

Hyperrrrrrrr arrr

Okay, one down and three more to go.. Phew phew phew phew.... Insya Allah, everything will go smoothly. Amin~!!!!

To another topic.

I want to SHOP!!! hahaha well, masa ini diri sangatlah kapihhhhh, iatah macam very discouraging kalau kan pegi shopping, especially time exam ani, 100% of your money will channel to food.. food and food. Coklat lah, ice cream lah, makanan for lunch/dinner kalau malas masak (because its deemed as wasting time)... and apa lagi.. yeah, pokoknya makan - makan and makan. I would not be surprised kalau aku makin lampuh by the end of my exam, which im trying to kurangkan now. Boohoo....

Anyway, just wanna share this. I've been having this since puasa. You know how sometimes when you sleep, sometimes your saliva drools out, which is normal for me before puasa, but then when puasa started, I have been having dry mouth. I dont know if its because I dont drink as much water, pasal I do, especially time sungkai, and sahur pasal takut dehydrated. Yeah, its just weird, weird to the point,when i wake up, i can't swallow properly, because it was too dry. Well, listing down the causes... medications can lead to dry mouth, (i dont take any medications), or if you have salivary gland pathological disorder kira macam autoimmune disorder like Sjogren syndrome, or to another point, which I am having quite frequently nowadays, which is negative emotionality ( easily stressed, prone to negative emotions, and so on). Okay, im going into this too much. Anyway, maybe when I destressed, like going back to Brunei, my dry mouth symptoms when I sleep will be gone! Hopefully, insya Allah

Anyway Salam

Exam fever...

My exams officially starts tommorow and my classes officially ended today. Hahahaha its kind of funny in a way, well.. lectures ceased last week, but my lectures pun mana jua banyak weekly, like 2-3 saja, more clinics than lectures. So macam 2-3 hours of more free time, that I unfortunately wasted.

Anyway, wanted to blog today, not out of procrastination, but rather... because something very interesting and something that made me quite happy happened.

Its something to do with our assignment for this problem-based-learning group, and I was really2 happy with the marks given to our group, however, it caught me by surprise. It seriously did. When the tutor was explaining about the assignment, i was like ' jaw-drop'. Well, im not gonna complain about it, seriously made my day yesterday and today.

Anyhoo... im reading my notes while typing actually. Oral pathology! Okay, I think I better stop.. hahaha gotta continue studying! Adios

Salam

yadayadayada

Funny, how I often blog, especially time kan dekat exam. Big word, procrastination, that is. Well, maybe its a start ya know, who knows i regularly blog again, but we will see. I have yet to post up the pics, showing what I have been up to, but i just cant be bothered now, will see how it goes.

Anyway... when was the last time I blog? Ooooh monday. Yes monday. So what was I up to for the last two days? Nothing exciting much. Did a filling in clinic yesterday, really nice patient. He does not complain at all, reminds me of my lil brother, but my brother is just way too chatty at times, this patient was not. Hahahaha anyway, was planning to do two fillings on him yesterday, but due to time constraints, I was not able to. Took me half hour to dig out the decay and another 15 minutes to fill it. Yeah, sounded really long yeah, as compared to those dentists working in NDC. I have really high respects for those guys. Phewwss,, with lots of patients in Brunei complaining and working under time constraints and pressure, seriously... salute! I hope I can pick up with those speed in the future, will learn to anyway.

Somehow Im back to the habits of 'stalking' people. You name it, celebrities, those people on facebook, wedding pictures in facebook (sigh, so pretty!), sceneries pictures taken by professional photogs.. well, of course with the combined effects of photoshop, of course the pictures looks nice. Im still learning with photoshop, slow I know, just that I dont have the patience to learn them. I prefer someone teach me at the spot about everything. It is easy to absorb when someone is teaching you, and provided you are listening anyway.

Okay, enough of my rambles... im out

Salam

Break

Maybe I should do this more often. Blogging seems to takes things off my mind, so maybe I should try do this more frequently.

Anyway, clinical test this morning went okay I guess. I hope I score a lot in exodontia and endodontics! and perio and cario too.. insya Allah okay. .Sudah try and do my best? (im actually doubting this pasal i just started few days before the test) but anyway, what done is done, and I am hoping for it to come out well.

Less than 2 weeks to exam, which starts on the 29th of October (practical exam for oral pathology), and haha... im laughing when I think about this. We finish class the day before, or rather clinic. Can you imagine that?!!!! Uggghhhh... means that I have to start like now. Well, the good thing is that we have tests and one prac test before for oral path, so which means its pretty much covered (i forgot most of it anyways, so have to revise back).

Then growth and development (of teeth of course) which was being taught in first semester, and not being touch during this semester, and just realised that 20% of this module is going to be included in the final exam. HAHAHA yeahhhhhh~~ im scrambling to read that back too (i havent yet). Need to find articles for this since the lecturer really like 'quotes' or 'evidences' from articles. Wowwieeeee.... not so much time left!! So much things to do in limited time.

I am excited about going back for summer, but honestly, that excitement is overshadowed by the stress due to the upcoming exam. Haiiiiiihhhhhhhh im sick of studying, but what can I do.... 2 more years. Must fight this fight. 2 more years (insya Allah), then im going to come back to Brunei for good, insya Allah. Mudahan jua pass this finals with flying colours! Amin amin amin.

Good luck to those who's having their exams/tests.

The time has come again.

Salam everyone..

Man...

I am soooo stressed!!!! hahahaha... ini kalau in long term can lead to more non- infective stomatitis and prolonged headache. Uggghhhhhhhh selalu, kalau kan exam, always! Always.. oh did I mention loss of hair too? Hmmm....

Anyway, this blog has been dead for quite a while now. My bad, dont have the habit to blog, used to be a big part of my life, but dont know since I came to NZ, i feel so lazy to blog. I do have the time, but I just dont have the urge to blog. Not saying my life is boring, I learn things everyday, maupun in academics or in life. Its just, i lost the urge. Plenty of things to say but dont know where to start.

I've become more introvert (quoting Buzz) nowadays. I feel more comfortable being a 'loner' than have to go forward and say something to people. It depends on my mood actually, macam ada timenya I feel like I wanna talk to people in general, but sometimes i dont feel like talking. Its weird. Well, when its during clinic, its a different story, atu jumpa patient, mau inda mau mesti cakap jua. Tapi at other times, im so malas to say anything, especialy with people who I dont click with, jangantah harap kan cakap banyak. Hmpphh, why am I like this? I need motivation!

Exam will be over in a month!!! I cant wait, its just the process is menyakitkan. ugghhhh sabar mallll~~ inda g lama..

Anyway, im ranting about me being stress...

I am out and gonna study for my 20% exam tommorow. Wish me luck, seriously, i need lots of it.

What I have been up to :D Part 1 - the trip..

Christchurch's Cathedral Square at night

 Ahoyyyyy~~~ Tranzalpine - at Arthur's Pass!!! Snowwww~~ weeee

 A bag... bigger than me.. hohohoho i wonder how will it feels like if I carry this kind of bag

Before Kayaking - the nature is just so beautiful.. bliss~~~

 Amni, excited!!!

 Fatul also.. hahaha

 Million Dollar Cruise (only cost $25).... it was cold.. Look how blue the water is... so pretty. Was told by Fatul why the water is blue... pasal the water originates from the glacier... 

 Makan.~~~ no nice... 

Patagonia crepe with banana and ganash topped with double chocolate with Macamadia icecream.. EPIC... This is a must go chocolate dessert shop in Qtown. Their hot chocolate is the best!!!! the best!!!

 Waiting for Fatul, Amni and Safiyah (they were paragliding).. me being the scaredy cat... not ready yet to go on paragliding... phewssss

 Highlight: Me being drawn by a cartoonist... awesome... 

After the trip, back in dunedin... birthday celebrated belatedly by lovely flatmates and friends... love you guys :)... hehehe icecream cupcakes from wendys...

Can it last forever?

Can it last forever?

Money, wealth and fame? No,,,
Love and Friendship? It depends, maybe yes.. maybe not
Family? Yes..



What else?

Recent and past events made me think a lot......

There are not many things that last forever... 

Enough said

Wowwwieeeee

Wow..

I have forgotten that I have a blog. Hahaha im sorry my dear reader(s) ---> buz... sorry sorry..

July has been a really busy month for me. I had to handle two most important BSA events, international food festival and international cultural night. It was really hectic for me, and me, being stressed and all, and promised that I would not blog if im emo and stressed, explained why I didnt blog much these days. Hahaha... I am fine now, annual general meeting for BSA is over, and I ammm so glad im not in the committee anymore. 3 years in the committee is enough. As much as I love being in BSA, it has taken a toll on me.... im tired and that has been making me feel like I want to do something else next year, at least for myself. At least doing things that I really like.. maybe like baking cakes during the weekends and do things without having to worry about BSA, dont have to sacrifice my night time for study for BSA, im just soooo glad.. hehehehehe oh well,.. no offence BSA-ians.

Since I talked about stress... I cannot really cope with stress... well,.. Its making me feel like I dont have anything else to think about other than the things that I have been feeling so stressed about, hence not so productive So.. yeah, if you get my drift.

Pics from June trip will be updated soon :) I had an awesome time.. went kayaking.. went to Queenstown, one of my favorite place in NZ, and so on. Pics from other activities will be updated with the pics during the June trip.. Hehehehehe yeah, you will be surprised to see how busy I was.... what can I say, 2010 is a busy busy year.. haiiiihhh nasib jua my course this year inda sehectic last year, mun nda.. memang kepisan..
Bah thats all fr now...

Salam

Nasib.. nasib

Free bar... 1 in 6 wins instantly. *I was hoping that I will win a bar* Turns out 

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Duiiii maa... Try again... hahahahaha *sialannnn..* hahahahaha

Trapped inside my newly built cage

Im metaphorically in a cage now, staying most of the time in my room.. Guess what im doing~~.. it should be that surprising huh.. yeah, im studying!!!! studying for 2 papers.

The first one is Pathology, basically study of the disease. The underlying cause of it, what clinical signs or symptoms does it show, how can it progress, and how to treat it, basically all those stuff. Arghh, which i must say is not going so good atm. Im wondering why studying after I came to NZ has become so hard!!!!... now it just dawn on me that im taking all BIOLOGY subjects. Biology.. isnt really a VERY strong point for me. It is a strong point, but not as a strong point when i compare it with math. I love maths... just wondering why i dont take that in university, but anyway, im taking dent now.. so that should not be in question. Anyway, yes, im taking biology(-ical) subjects which requires a lot of memorising and not as much of understanding. Well need to understand the stuffs, but it requires so much of memorising, which is crrraaaazzzyyyy.. So much, how can i put all this into this not so big brain of mine.

And not only that... the need of knowing how to connect all the stuffs together. If there is mutation in this gene, what would it cause, what disease will it cause. There's too much, and in the end.. its confusing... especially for me.

Insya Allah, i hope that i will get through this, and so will the rest. Amin.

Enough of my rants

Salam :D

Line

Today had me wondering, how do you know when you're crossing the line? Sometimes I do wonder if I had crossed the line, but i just dont know. Did I? Hmmmm.... oh well..

Well.. dont mind me if I talk a lot about dentistry stuff. Since I am gonna be a dentist in the future, it's gonna be one of things that will play a major role in my life, as a career. Well in turn, you ( who dont take dentistry) might learn something from this blog. Well, its not that I want to make this blog 'educational', its just part of my life now. OK?

Anyway, this afternoon I've had patient's clinic. Hehehehe well... it went surprisingly well, despite being so nervous the night before, but it went well, which is good. Patient is happy, tutor is happy and I am happy too :). I did walking bleach or non-vital (hidup) bleaching, for tooth that got discoloured because they had root canal treatment. In malay, its called MEMUTIHKAN GIGI. Anyway, its quite a protocol (or something that we kind of have to do ) to call patient the night before they came to our clinic. Hahaha and calinya, ia ani main bebet sama wifenya, when the telephone was ringing, and ia bet 'oh this must be Amal calling.' hahahahaha patuttah ia ketawa when he was answering the phone. Hahahahaha atu cali..., which means its kind of predictable that i was going to call. Hahaha he was telling me in clinic, because me, as the bengang Amal, didnt quite get the joke when I called him up, but yeah.. hahaha atu baru ia cali...

Some of you might know that I didnt want to take dent initialy, i wanted to take med.. but now, I am happy with my choice. I dont regret it. Before i accepted this offer, I actually dont really know what to do, I opted for med because that was one of the top choice that my parents want me to do, so I was thinking of doing med, and plus I want to 'help' people in that way, and maybe Grey's Anatomy/ER influenced me to take med. But now, I dont regret my choice in taking dentistry. Its fun to learn. Yes, its probably ALL about teeth, but there's a lot more to it. Its not easy, i tell you. Med has its own difficulty, Dent also. Its not easy. The basis is the same, helping people 'surgically' and using medicine. But yeah... I used to look down on Dent. Thinking..'boring jua eh.. gigi saja kan diliat tiap hari.. BORING!~~~~" but now.. hahahaha there's a LOT to learn, which is kind of hard, but very exciting. Anyway... yada yadi yadu.. im gonna stop here and continue doing my work!! heheheh

Salam <3

Oh no~~

Instead of studying, I have been spending my time on watching tv. Well, not like most of the time, I did some studying, but its not as efficient as it should be. Well, the thing is, I have been renting the tv series 'Charmed', from season 5 to final season 8. Hah!!!!! Yes... well, if you know me a bit too well, you would know why I managed to finish all these seasons in a week time? Hahaha yeah, i didnt expect that to happen, oh well. I have to give myself reasons to finish it, because i dont like to stop halfway, being left wondering what's gonna happen next.

Well, I do feel guilty but I dont regret it :). Charmed is just awesome. I can't believe I stopped watching them. I can't remember why I stopped watching them in Brunei. Probably simply because... i can't remember the reason why. But anyway, its fun following all the episodes. I think i should watch from season 1 next time, till the end huh? My favourite characters... are obviously... little wyatt, because he's sooooooo cute... especially when he winked both of his eyes.. hahaha and Paige. She's just... hahaha pretty to look at. Guy characters? Well, if you look at personality and looks, i would choose Coop the cupid. Hahahaha he's just charming and sweet and romantic!!!! Hahahahaha maybe my kind of guy, but anyway......... yeah, i just really enjoy watching Charmed. Yeah, after the exam, and after the trip, ill definitely rent them all, and watch them.. hehehehe.. yeah..

Anyway, exam in about a week's time. I am not panicking, which I am quite worried about. Well, had the tests/exams last two weeks... so maybe it should be okay huh? But yeah, who knows.. we will see how it goes.

Salam :D

Relieving stress

I still feel very...... grumpy now, I was grumpier in the afternoon, but i feel a bit better now.. Talking to someone from back home proves to be relieving, especially if you stress out too much

I think it was because of my assignment marks. Hahaha you know what the lecturer wrote on it? 'Interesting but you lost marks due to your sloppy references'.. Damn!!! I suck at doing references. Well, its my fault because I did it the night before we were suppose to submit the assignment, and my fault too due to doing it last minute. I could have gotten higher marks if i did it right, but what can i do ???? its okay.. i should have been more careful

Anyway....

I dont know why most of my conversation with friends will end up with marriage. Are we at the age, when we start to talk about it? Scares me you know, because I still cannot find one for it. Let alone talking about marriage. Im coming 21 this month, and still cannot find the love of my life, or whatever you want to call it. Its understandable since im fat and a bit ... eccentric in a way if you guys get to know me, but yeah. Haiiihhhhh we'll see how it goes.. Someone here caught my eyes.. hahaha and he's not even bruneian.. tell you, but i think its more like a high school crush kind of feeling.

On the bright side, tommorow is gonna be hectic. Have lots of things to think about... and im stressed thinking about it and my upcoming exams also which i havent really studied for.

Okay.. gotta go people :PP

Salam

Buzz

This post is dedicated to Miss Bazilah Zahari. Congratulations Babe.. coz you just have turned 21.. 

Hahahaha... in 4 years time, it will be the prime time of your life ( you know what i mean - after all 25 is the marriageable age for women, well. at least women that I know).. hehehehehe apa lagi guys... grab her.. FAST!!! hehehe jan marah ya :PPPP

But anyway, I hoped you enjoy your day today. I would have called you up, but I dont have phone card with me at the mo, hence could not do it. 

Mudahan jua my 21 card for you has arrived, hopefully... if not, you can wait for it :D

<3 and miss you always.. Im a nappeun chinggu, i know that and im sorry for that. I hope i can find a way to make it up to you and the rest. 

Anyway, this is a note from me

I just have this knack of being sensitive to some things and also to my environment. Not the environment, environment, but more of social environment. I can sense if something is going on, but it can be right at times, it can be wrong too. I just dont know if this sensing thing is due to me being sensitive or its just right. It annoys me. I would just rather be oblivious to this sensing/being sensitive thing, because hell, its annoying. It just make my head go spinning and make all kinds of speculations, which I dont like.. AT ALL.   Oh well... its just life, isnt it ? Life cannot be perfect at all, well.. it can be almost perfect, but my life, isnt perfect.. at all. I have too much flaws that need to be addressed, but Im satisfied with myself, living myself as me. Im happy being me, and that's what all matters to me.

Anyway, as I said, i rather be oblivious to things. Being oblivious is sometimes stupid, i know, but if it can make you feel better, why not... if it protects you from being hurt, why not? Right...?? It seems like running away from addressing the problem, yeah... but for a while, being oblivious wont hurt. Well, that is just what I think.. 

Anyhoo.. Salam :D

The past

I lit up my scented (vanilla) candle, and the flame just reminded me of my past.




There was a point in my life, when I really got into burning stuff outside my house, because my dad or my amah always do if there were too much leaves lying around arah our backyard. So i got into the habit of doing it eeeeevvvveerrryyyyy day. Hahahaha, i think i was 8 or 9 years old at that time. Yeah, i was and am still weird to this point. It was a weird habit... but I was just so into it, i think i did it probably for more than a week, everyday. Or probably less than a week, i cant remember, pokoknya i always do it after ugama school.. after 3.30pm ish. Hahahaha what made I stop from doing it huh?

I think.. maybe it was due to.. a pipe leaking, due to the burning that i did, which was near the pipe water, lying on the floor of the ground. Hahaha, then i stopped, psal takut kana marahi. Heheheh... when I think of it, it was quite funny and nostalgic. I can't believe that I got into that kind of habit. Anyhoos..

It also reminded me of when our house had blackouts and we used to lit up the candles and put many of it all around the house. I used to play with the flames, like you know how you just move your finger across the flame really2 fast. or pinch it, but do it really fast. My mom used to show us how she did it, and I was like WHOOOAAAAA, what the?? serious?? How?? isn't it hot? Hahahahaha, especially the pinching part, that was just.... incredible, hahahaha at that time. Well, im able to do that now, but back then, when you think doing it was just nearly impossible for you to, its just.. hahaha amazing.

Haihhhhh..

I was such a naughty girl dulu. Rebellious too... ohhh well.. its all in the past..

Salam :D

What a day

Today, i wake up, missed my 8am lecture, barely made it to my 9am lecture, went to another lecture hall for the 10am lecture (AWESOME STUFF- forensics!!!! do you know that you can use your teeth as a form of identification? hehehehe) , 1 hour break used to study in the library for my pros test on monday, then back to the lecture hall for 12pm lecture. 1 hour break... went to afamosa to get the vege mince with noodles (nyummy), with chocolate custard puff and 2 egg tarts, all amount up to 11nzd, but its allll worth it...

Then... i have a 3hours SIM clinic, where I do drilling on fake teeth lah, and it was sooooo dammmnnnn frustrating!!!!!!! sheeshhh, i didnt get to finish even one task. Sanak ku, well, maybe i was already feeling frustrated, pasal the tutor SIMPLY forgot to attend to me, even after he said that he's gonna attend someone and come back to me. He just simply forgot, and I was being frustrated and starting to menyamal, i just continued doing my work, thinking that he can just check my work later, and then the cavity that i drilled is just TOO big and deep for him, he asked me to get another to work on. Okay, fine.....my fault... then i got another tooth, and before doing it again, i worked on another tooth, and i underfilled it, its okay, boleh buat nanti lagi, THEN, i started to work again on the tooth that i just replaced, and still the cavity is too big. I seriously dont know what he wants.... until i asked ka nisah, and yes i understand after that. Mental ku ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .... as Pat said, one of the frustrating things in dentistry. Too bad, i'll graduate in 2 and half years. Well, success will only come with hardcore studying, and that is what im gona try and do..

Anyway, the above made me feel so shitty even until now. Talked to Ka Nisah, and some good advice from Pat, talked to my sisters, and also other people made me feel a bit better. I totally feel like crying tadi at the sim clinic.. Argghhhhh that's how bad I feel!!!!!... anyhooooo..

Tommorow's gonna have a friendly game with the malaysians, and will go and study after that for zeeeee test on monday. Haiiihhh...

Reborn

Hello peeeeeeeppssss

I am back again.

Recent events made me think whether i should relive this blog again... hahaha, end result.. now i did it.. :D

Last year had proved to be really hard for me, with all the conflicts being pushed onto my face, and being second year Dent did not even help the situation. Last year was basically HELL for me, so hard to think.. so hard to spare time even to blog, even more hard for me to spare time go msn and talk to my long distant friends. Yeah, you can say that as an excuse, but believe me, if you were being put into my shoes, you would feel the wrath, how cruciating it was... but Alhamdulillah, it all went fine, and here I am, in my third year... as smoothly cruising through my studies.. hahaha it was nothing like last year... this year was more relaxed and im a more happy person. I learn more this year, than last year. That practically proves that shoving all information into my head in such a short time is not gonna make me remember at all.

Hahaha.. looking at my past posts, which i have 'deleted' obviously, was sooooo EMO... I can't help it lah at that time, was such a depressing year, it totally buried all my happy memories... Hahaha cali because I was really being emo and depressed. Depressed constantly all through the year. Alhamdulillah, this year i have not suffered from bouts of depression, which is good. Im thankful because disini, i have lots of support... from the brunei people, and classmates. So, when im down, someone is there to cheer me up, which is good.!!!

Sayang, because im unable to lend such support to friends who are thousands miles away from me. I've been such a B#@#$ for not talking to you guys for so long. I've been trying to go online on MSN lately, because I've not talk to these people so such a looooongggg time, believe me.. I feel guilty and feel that im not a good friend to all my friends out there. Haiiiihhhhhh this is me being a bad person, i realised it, but i didnt do anything to change it.

But now, im trying hard to reverse that. With this blog, I hope to try and connect to you guys back. We havent talk in such a long time, to the point i dont know what's happening, and since I do not read people's blog as much as I did last year and the previous years, so.. yeahhhhh... end point, i feel bad, and K, dont try to rub it in. Hahahaha i know what you would say.. but anyhoo...

Anyway, what I've been up to??

Since dari Brunei, I've been busy. With.. netball practice, for a tournament organised by BruONZ. Well, at least kami inda nombor buncit, hahhahahha but yeah, i was busy with it for 2 months. Not only that, we need to practice for BruONZ gala night, in which I sang in it, but sadly, I do not hold any recordings for that, my bad.. because Syazwan doesn't know how to operate my baby camera at that time, so nda papa..

Spent a lot of time with family, got ups and downs believe me, but yeah, it all went well. Not forget to mention, i managed to gain lots of kilos from binging all those food without any exercise. So bad, that's why this year I wont be going back to Brunei. Im planning to shed all these kilos before i go back. Hahahahah YEAH RIGHT!!!!! As if i can do that... so hard to do, but so easy to say huh???

I met my kesayangans WALI and AFIF (adik2, jangan jeles YA heheheheh)... spent a helluva time with them. Awesome. I get to see Afif to walk from merunggau, I get to see wali, which I missed so much while I was in NZ. Even until now, I kept asking whether he came to my house atau inda.. That shows how much I sayang him regardless him being so naughty. Serious!!

And here in NZ, studying and starting my post as president of Brunei Student Association. We haven't started to get busy, but after the cuti ends, ill be really busy.... with cultural night and international food festival. I feel the stress already. Arghhhhhhhhh so much expectations. Takut ku banarnya!!!!!!!

And the list goes on..

Im sleepy already.

Ill show you guys my baby camera nanti.. and ill post pictures on this blog.

Insya Allah, ill try to update this blog as often as I can, and whenever Im rajin..

With this, bye people and all muslims out there, Salam :D