smiling

Looking at others and looking at myself....

It seems that while smiling does come naturally to others, it doesnt come naturally to me, myself.... well, except to those someone who is well acquainted to me, someone who is really close to me, it is easy to give them a natural and happy smile.

For the past few days, honestly... I have seen past classmates... be it from primary school, or secondary school or even from form sixth school. Imagine how time can make me change, imagine how time can make two person, who were comfortable enough to speak with each other, not to speak or even acknowledge the other person after a period of time. Funny that this actually happens to me. Well, I dont want to speak of names, but to be honest, those people are in my friend's list on facebook. So now should I delete them? I was wondering, should I be the one who say Hi... or should I wait for the other person to say hi or hello to me?

I just truly find this funny.

Okay, looking at facebook for example.

You know how sometimes people travel to their friends' place, even after quite a while, they havent even meet each other and they were still able to converse comfortably. Well, i think they do keep in contact all this while, which in contrast, for example me... i dont really keep in contact. Maybe that's why the drift has kept on becoming bigger...  so fault is on me I guess..

Sometimes I do feel bad, you know.. for not being able to keep in contact, and also i do feel bad because some people wont just acknowledge me, but then to think about it. My life and their lives... we probably dont walk on the same path anymore. Though I truly happy for them being happy even without me in their lives...

Anyway, enough said.

The reason why I even wrote this blog is that I actually spent time with a few friends today, and same with yesterday and the day before, they never ceased in making me laugh heartily. I just feel happy whenever I spent time with them, to be able to speak of things in your life freely than usual, its fun. I am just grateful, while it seems that I was the one who left this circle group of friends of mine (because of a rift), this other circle group of friend were there for me to spend time with. Not that I am trying to replace this circle with that circle, i dont replace friends. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I am just grateful that someone is there for me when I need them, when I need to talk to someone face to face. I am just grateful.

Anyway.. thats all

PS: Some people do know this, but if I dont mention anything to anyone, even if you ask me questions that I dont want to answer, dont expect that you could get me to say it.... hehehe

couple pictures

Looking at facebook pictures...

Pictures of friends with spouses..

Pictures of friends with fiancee

Pictures of friends with their boy or girlfriends

Pictures pictures pictures..

couple pictures...


They all look so sweet that it made me jealous..

lol, not that I imagine myself in a picture with a significant someone, coz honestly, alum ku terpikir

but looking at their happiness, their smiles for each other.... its something that I feel envy about..

Wish I have that kind of happiness... Insya Allah, god wills..

F/F

Why do I have to make the term 'forgive and forget' so difficult to carry out....

Remembering past events (which happened long long time ago) is so painful, yet I wondered why havent I been able to even think about that person (or the group) in a positive way.

Is my ego too big? Am I that sensitive?

It is definitely something that I need to work on

Creating pages

Honestly, I have been thinking a lot

Im the type of person, who is definitely not compliant with writing blogs... so I am trying to change that around... and make this blog a little bit less....... gloomy.. hehe

Sometimes I wondered, should I even write posts regarding my interests which people might not even interested with. So I came up with this

I created 4 pages regarding my interests (well the top most interests - should painting goes in here as well? hahah... ) which probably need to be editted and words need to be posted up to the page...

Anyhoo.. hope you guys will enjoy it and tata

Salam

to go or not to go

Depends on my studying mode... either my mood berkobar2 mau baca the books or not. Kalau inda... hohoho sesiapun lah, nanti tah tu ertinya ku membaca

My music list

ambung

Know what?

call me ambung if you want to.... if that is your perception of me, whatever... i dont care
call me pemarah if you want to.... if that is your perception, i wont deny it because its true..... but remember, if i get angry, there's always a BIG reason for it to have happened..

and you know what

i dont care if you wanna call me anything.. bitch kah, whatever....... i do not care of what you think

As long as I think I do not do something to hurt people (or their sensitive feelings)........ and you still call me names (even behind my back)... i will just ignore you.

Nya orang, if inda puas hati sama orang, confront. Yeah, jadinya kalau inda puas hati with me, TALK to me face to face. Aku mendangar. Well, depends plang mun ku rela kah inda... hohohoho

end point....... though tani kana ajar forgiveness ani penting, if you want my trust/forgiveness, you have to earn it. I wont just give it blindly to people.

You know what triggers me to write this post?

Someone enquired about something to me, well to be exact... why am I not out with them? you know what? I am busy! Im freaking busy at times that I dont even have enough time.................... would you believe that? up to you..

you know what..

you can think of a lot of reasons..

si amal malas kan jalan kah
si amal inda rela bejalan sama 'aku' kah
si amal itu ini itu ini

you know what hurts....

listening from others that I havent go out with them..

you know what?

extend that invitation to me..... then baru cakap sama orang.. if i said no, then talk about me behind my back.... ani alum jua apa apa, banyak complen.. si amal atu lah ini lah atulah ini lah...

sorry, tapi im not the kind who will ask that person first to go out for lunch, because im not flexible with time (well of course, with the exception of islam and buzz, and my cousins..or if im really bored) whatever...

think of whatever things you want to think about me....

yes..

i've changed into a more ambung person in your eyes... and im sorry, because there's nothing much I can do to change that perception of yours...

apa tu quote orang Malaysia

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh Luuuuuuuuuuuu

tut tut tut

Wawawawawawawwa 

adik adikku pergi sekolah hari ini~~~~~ 

sangatlah....sunyi.... 

cubatah cuti sekolah ani kana extend lagi 

inda ku terasa boring sendiri

sipun ada kaka tua yang masih tidur di sebalah atu.. 

kan membawa diri bejalan, haha alum tantu... 

cubatah abiskita beritahu 

cemanatah kan mengurangkan keboringanku 

paham? 

hohohohoohohohohohoho

kawan

I was talking to my dad about travelling.

About me travelling alone going to places, of which...... in the end, as always I was not allowed to go alone (except if ada orang menunggu at the other end) to which this topic was brought up.

Kenapa ko inda bawa kawanmu bejalan

I said... cemana jua... ada yang inda kana suruh parents, ada family issue, ada yang ada money issue, ada yang inda ingatkan diri (bila pasal makan baru ingat, no offence :))), ada yang malas... itu ini itu ini... susah jua bah eh

Too many things is in my mind now..... pasal kawan berkawan ani pun boleh jadi paning banarnya. Tapikan kalau kan dipikirkan, to have friends arent supposed to be that complicated, right?


So the main thing is that....


bila tani berkenalan sama orang..... BANYAK 

yang tani jadikan kawan..... is probably LESS THAN HALF of those we know

but in the end.....

the only ones who stick by you in the end...

is not even a percent of the 'friends' that you know.......


Funnily enough, the world works like that...

In the end, Allah saja yang tahu why such things happened/happens to me. Maybe ada hikmah di sebalikNya...