Alhamdulillah

Salam everyone,

Tanpa disedari, we have reached 2013.

A lot of fuss was made about the world ending on the 20.12.2012, with what they said in accordance to the Mayan Calendar. Allah s.w.t lebih mengetahui dalam hal ani. We as humans cant interpret God's knowledge unless He allowed us to, apatah lagi kalau hal yang related to Hari Kiamat.

So looking back at what I did in 2012.

Biggest achievement so far is that I have graduated!!!  5 long years of studying eh? hehehe, New Zealand will always be a second home to me in my heart. Living there for years, the culture was awesome, apart from the drinking, which is the only thing I hate. It is a beautiful country, full of gem and beautiful and awesome sceneries. I'll miss my laidback life there, I will miss the people there. A lot of things that I will miss. Friends, road trips and food. Yes... food! Especially the indian butter chicken. Nyums...

Anyway, I have been so emo for the past few years. Its a natural trait, I guess. Eventhough there has been a few times in the past that I've said that I will throw away that trait, it never went away. So I guess it's a built in trait. Just that, since it can't go away, then I will just have to control and tune it.

So next step in life is to build my career. I have reported back to my sponsor, and now awaiting for all kinds of documentation to be done including my medical checkup (Insya Allah nothing will go wrong, except for my high BMI), which is kinda expected to be a problem, but I am working on it.

Plans to exercise before working has failed. For the first few weeks, it was hard to get out since we dont have any domestic helpers and my wheelchair bound nenek, who is still quite healthy and strong (she's a bit sick from flu at the moment), needs care. So I did all the possible things as a domestic helper, a caretaker AND a driver. Multitasking on these three things proved to be quite a huge challenge to my mental state. Although, I was not the one who suffered the most stress.  Now it became a bit better as we have two domestic helpers. Alhamdulillah. So a few weeks after that, I was able to go for netball training. However during the second training session, I sprained my ankle. It was not that bad (i.e not to the point it was bruising). I can still feel the pain now though, its been 2 weeks, and it is not well healed yet. So my plans to exercise was tampered by these 2 reasons but I believed there were reasons why this happened to me (Only Allah s.w.t knows), so I am not going to complain. Just one irks me... I eat too much these days. Haihhh, need to control!

Anyhoo.. it expected that I will be going to work this week! Maybe on thursday or saturday. Seems flexible eh? hehehe its not. I was actually planning to go to work on this thursday, but one person decided to give us a huge surprise by going back home. So... I guess I have to push back the date of the start of my working. I'm half excited, half nervous because I don't know what to expect. So we will see how it will go by the end of this week.

Assalamualaikum

PS: One thing that I am still not used to... the title Dr... hehehe, feels weird!

Grey's anatomy

Funny isn't it?  Somehow I can relate myself to grey's anatomy. Looking at the friendships protrayed among the peeps... its just...twisted.

Did a lot of thinking this afternoon. Somehow I felt, day after day, I'm shutting away from people, shutting away from the outside world. Its just sickening. I just dont feel the urge, and know what? I feel comfortable this way...

Maybe its one of those low down days. I feel sick of myself, the world.... I felt I need time for myself to think.

Lots of what ifs that need some answers. Somehow those questions, Im still waiting for the answers..

2012

Hello peeps..

Just realised I've left this blog for quite a while. Sorry to say, but i've been so lazy and busy as well... that I neglected the blog. I nearly forgot its existence. Sorry dear blog..

Anyway, I am back in NZ now for my fifth and final year of school. Can't believe it eh? Hahaha, it feels like yesterday... that I just came to NZ to do my studies. From a naive, innocent thinking student to this.. hmmm, not that I am saying im getting dirty minded, but just that over these last 4 years, lots of things have been happening, which actually do affect me, in small and large scales. I am still hanging on though :)

Friends comes and goes, which I think is a process that everyone has to go through. That is why whatever happens, I tried my best to accept it. Hehehe that's life isnt it? Things may go your way, or it may not.

Anyhoo, its two weeks into school now. One word to describe it: BUSY! lol, dont know because I am in my oral surgery week this week, but I think lately, things has been so intense. This week, is just... busy. Wake up early in the morning, coz I have to be at school latest by 8am. Then usually, ends at 5pm. Yesterday alone, I was almost standing up from morning till afternoon. My body aches... greatly. Sleeping late last night (this morning actually) and waking up so early does not really help btw. Lol, i felt so sleepy today, but thank god, this afternoon we didnt have clinic. So I had the liberty to relax.. relax!!! What a precious word.

To sum up, school's been great. Did a lot of catching up and yeah.. it was really good! I learnt a lot. Main thing that I learnt is that oral surg is not an easy feat but exciting and interesting. Who knows mencabut gigi orang can be fun. Not that im saying that Im good at it, but yeah.. im getting there :)... hhhehehe himnae saeyo mal. This journey will be a long one!

Summer holidays

My fourth year of school is already finished, unlike most degrees, i still have my fifth yearcoming, and alhamdulillah.... Itd my finsl year. Just got my results the other day, and suffice to say, im hsppy with my results, could have done better but.. Yeah syukur alhamdulillah... I have been back in Brunei for 3 weeks now... Or less, hmmmmm.. But yeah, its been a busy 3 weeks... 2 days after coming back home, I went to KL with waie and mama... To do a little bit of shopping...but mostly around the area of masjid india.. Lol, it was a shopping spree for me.. Imagine, 15RM for a pashmina scarf.. That is absurdly cheap!!! Lol, the thing is that there was just too many.. I felt like taking all the scarfs, but with limited budget, i cant.. Lol, the same goes with kain... I didnt take too much pics though.... Too budy browsing around.... And mom ought me a new wallet, coz i used up most of my money already.. Lol but yeah, was really fun, but at the same time, really tiring as well... I was so fed up with flights.... Lol But anyway, been brscing up for preparations for....... Its both exciting and stressful, coz the btb is not here... She's coming bsck this friday after 3 weeks in holland, at this time... She is in rome for holidays... Im so jealoud, but not too worry, i will be going there.. Definitely... One day.. Who knows if i do need to do my exams after two ye of working, think ill get another two weeks of leaves, and tour europe.. Lol Okay, my arms are tired with typing all this words... Tired from all the practice with netball yesterday......hahahaha today cuti padal im having this mild hives/urticaria... Haihhhhh

its about....

Nothing much lol

This has been inside my head for such a long time

Just wanting to write this down

The more you dont know me
The more private I seemed to be

:)

Awesome vid!

10th month of the year

Time flew so fast yea?

9 months have passed now, its just.. unbelievable.....

That also means that it wont be long till I come back to Brunei... again.

Hehehe going to spend my second last 'real' summer holidays. Next year, going to brace for my final (5th year) of my course, then insya Allah, I will be back in Brunei and contribute my skills to the people of my beloved country. No jokes.. I am actually quite excited when thinking about the prospects of graduating end of next year, yet I felt... scared. I felt like ilmu atu alum lagi cukup di dada, if you know what I meant. Hehehehe

Balik brunei for cuti this year also meant that I am going to busy helping my family out for the first ever big event. Lol, I would not want to mention it now, nanti kena wrath from a particular someone, but yeah...

Also, I wanna go travel nanti. Dont know where to be honest. Told my parents that I wanna go to China for this 'Bruneian's trail to China' group tour, and its a muslim tour, meaning we'll be visiting a number of mosques (and other landmarks as well) and halal food will be provided, and if I am going alone, i need to pay around..... 1.7k Brunei ringgit.. tops and that is for 8 days. Well, I think the price is quite reasonable. Okay, might be a bit pricey than if I wanna go around, alone with my own iterinary. Lol, I will be lost in China to be honest, with not knowing how to speak the language, and read the signs, and with lots of people (which can be overwhelming), I prefer to stick with a tour group. Oh yeah.... know what, tryin' to persuade my parents if I can go alone, but nope... I was slapped with a big NO. hahahahaha, yeah... I was expecting that answer anyway but it is so difficult to find someone to go with, to be honest. Well, dad told me my little brother is going with me, if im going, and according to dad, its my bro's will to go with me. Hahaha yeah right... nope, thats not what I heard from lil bro. He's only going to satisfy my need to go travelling, and to be honest.. i dont wanna babysit for anyone.

Anyway, as usual.. i procrastinate. Its really tempting to deactivate my facebook account, but yeah... i felt it is unnecessary, just in case someone posted something about the exams and tips, so... lol.. i think i better leave my facebook as it is.

PS: I just realised I've been posting some seriously geeky stuffs. Lol, sorry if its boring to read! Hahaha 

The start of oral surgery week

Assalamualaikum w.r.b.

I am currently in my oral surgery week rotation, in other words.. extracting teeth! To be honest, it was quite terrifying, because I am being thrown into an area where I have no expertise at all. Other than theory, that was not applied until this week. I had a hand on extracting teeth today, and oh my... it looks easy, but it actually quite hard. Well at least for me. Some people said.. oh.. its really fun, but to be honest, that fun part.. it still has not kicked in.

Well, its part of learning. Isnt it?

On the other hand, I wil be able to practice all my injections. Alhamdulillah. Still need to practice more though... insya Allah okay..

Anyway, thats all for today..

The cute girl... not! hahahaha

I know

I'm being so random

LOL, this pic was taken using Amni's fabulous SONY DSLR camera (cant remember which model.. sorry), lol.. the attempt of taking 'sel-ca' pics.. FAIL.. its just too near.. and yeahh.. hohohoho

Anyway, commenting on the pic...

I have quite a normal-high gummy smile line... my dentition, needless to say, I havent brush my teeth then, yet..... but it looks.. normal. Hehehehe

Im bored! Yet, i have to study for the visual interpretation test. The progress of my study? SLOW! So much to learn, and im really worried! haiihh, mudahan jua berjalan lancar! Amin amin amin!!!

That's all for the night

And ohhh.. this is my 28th post for the year, which is one more than what I wrote last year. So yippeee.. hehehe

Assalamualaikum everyone, and good night ^_^

one week break!

Assalamualaikum,

Yayayayayayayay cuti sudah start. Alhamdulillah, but there is no time to relax because..... jeng jeng jeng........ have to study for this visual interpretation test after the break, i have my oral surgery rotation and.... an ortho book test! Wow... fun times huh...

That does not mean that I cannot have a bit of a break too. Hehehe, so my plans for this break is
1. Make some cakes for raya
2. Catch up with some friends and.... go ngupi
3. Watch some movies..
4. And ofcourse studehhhhhh

To be honest, i would like to go to Queenstown, tapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ............................................................................. malas kan cakap, will just list out what I want from queenstown
1. NANDOS
2. PATAGONIA HOT CHOCOLATE..

Man, these two things are the best! The best....

Ramadhan is coming to an end, and as I said before, I didnt really achieve much. Its sad in a way..... i do think i managed to improve myself in some aspects... but that's it. Insya Allah will try to improvise more! insya Allah

Last words from me for today's blog

For these past few months, I just realised my life is revolved around a few really good friends... Tempat mengadu, tempat bercerita, tempat itu dan ini. I'm lucky, am I not? heheheh Alhamdulillah :))))

if only...

If only life is easy.. I would...

At times like this lah membuatkan diri semakin malass...

Im just so tired with all the clinical work

Partly my fault jua bah, cubatah bah ah... kana suruh sudah position duduk bisai2, masih jua kan dibuat yang menyakitkan diri in the end.. My shoulders feel so tight, my legs are sore from standing up for a long time (more than 1.5 hours), ditambah lagi the fact that I am not fit and I am fat! So.. hehehe hujung2nya ngalih, and seterusnya membuat diri supaya lagi procrastinate. Syabas mal... syabas!

Tommorow will be another day, another day filled with stress and worries. Hahaha dramaqueen much? I'll be doing my first endo case. I'm currently reading up on it, sounds simple but dont know when it comes to the practice, dont know if its going to be simple as it sounds. And i have to do it under 2 hours, LESS than 2 hours!! Haiihhh stress ehhhh, mudahan jua okay.. Rabbi yassir wala tu'asir ya kareem.. insya Allah...

Ramadhan is coming to an end soon, and I felt like I haven't achieved much. I felt so bad! Tapi mind ani macam procrastinate tia ganya. Its ridiculous.. im serious... Time cani ani tah sanangkan beribadah.. tapi inda jua banyak di buat. Mun sekadar few lembar of Al-Quran. Alum jua berapa. Mal mal, how can you become a good muslimah? Tapi insya Allah.. Ramadhan atau inda, will try to perbaiki diri ani further in the future.. insya Allah...

Bah anyway, xoxo end of this post, more to come. Heheheh

looking outside the window

Feeling a bit.... blegghh,, wanna go out... but I cant.. I shouldnt... need to finish this one assignment T_T

Kenangan

3 year+ has passed by, inda kerasahan...

Feels like it was yesterday.... I left Brunei to NZ to pursue my studies.

I came across this sketchbook. I had them even before I left Brunei, and friends wrote words in it.

This truly caught my eyes

' As time passes by, somehow that bond has begin to fade away'.. this was written nearly 3 years ago. Somehow that reflects how I feel now. Not by a little margin, but by lots.... we make new friends, but somehow I crave for my old ones.. hmm..

But anyway, enough for today.. and I should be off doing this -_-~~~

Salam xoxo

ps: lol, until now I still make a lot of grammar mistakes as I did in the first picture.

Love the way you ____~~??

I wont deny this, but I felt a bit left out looking at posts on facebook, JUST A BIT, but on a happy note, im glad. Hehehehehe what can I do kan? Different places of study, and different times of cuti. My cuti does not coincide with them. Looking at their happy faces, and smiles... who cares if im not there, as long as they're happy. Im glad the bond is still there, though im getting inches (or probably foots) further away from those bonds.

That is another thing about being further apart for the sake of studying, especially when it comes to me. But then these thoughtS, let me just keep it to myself. Hehehe this thought of mine is not worth to be put into this blog.

School updates

Im definitely getting more busy now, I have 2 assignments to finish, deadline is soon!!!!. And then, lots of tests and exam assignments to be done. Yet, the calling of facebook and twitter is really strong, that I always procrastinate with these two webs, i wish i can stop. I probably can. Maybe I should do it.. hmmm...

That also means exam is getting closer. 2 months to go and im freaking out because im not studying as much as I should have. Goshhh, why am I like this?

Alrighto, need to prep for my clinic this afternoon.. Dentures clinic. Hahaha i think im in big trouble today, but we will see

update

Wow.. blogger now has a new face! awesome! I'm awed by it, looks more user-friendly though.. hehehe

Anyway, I spent a month in Brunei for holidays. It was a quiet nice break, and I was able to have spent some time with my family. Thought it was going to be a boring holiday, turns out it was not. I was able to enjoy every second I was in Brunei, despite my siblings going to school, my eldest sister working in Seria, and Anis coming back during my last week in Brunei. All was well. Spent my birthday in Brunei too, but I hide my birthdate on facebook, see who manages to remember my birthday, and greeted me. Hahaha maybe my way of seeing who really care about me, call me childish but yeah, hahahaha, not so many greeted me, but I was happy, nonetheless! :))

So I am now back in NZ for my second semester. To be honest, I didnt want to come back. Hahaha been having too much fun in Brunei lah.

Turning 22 seems to add more responsibilities to my shoulders.

My dad has now begin to ask when am I going to get married. Lol, part of the reason is probably my eldest sister has a potential now, and I havent got anyone at the moment. The idea, however, seemed ludricrous to me. How am I going to get married if I dont have anyone special in my life. Hahaha oh yeah, I am 22, but love is a strange thing to me. I kept on saying this to my friends, but yeah, I dont know how it feels like. I had crushes before, but that does not mean that it's love. Now, currently, no crushes, no one I am having my aim at. Sometimes I feel like, if I continue on doing this, I would end up alone growing old. Something that I dont really want to happen to me. Lol, but finding someone that I would like to spend the rest of my life with, is just not easy. Not that im looking at looks, nor the luxury. Its just, finding someone who clicks with ME is not easy. I am not that easy going! People who're close to me should know that. Its like having this wall between me and the person who I just knew.

Anyway, Someone had volunteered to find me one, but if I dont have the commitment, how? Hahahaha, and me being fat is not helping either.  Maybe I can't focus on two things at once. Now I havent even finish my studies yet, how can I think about love? Sudah kan belajar ani pun tekapai2, kan becinta lagi.. aduiiiii.. susah!

Hmmm... maybe I should leave these thoughts till next time.

posting

Thought i just post up something here today....

Just wanna say

Only Allah s.w.t knows how I feel inside.

Enough said.

ZULKAEDAH

Perwatakannya pendiam. Banyak perkara baik pada dirinya berubah menjadi buruk. Dia banyak berfikir, kerana sifat ini, satu hari nanti dia akan mendapat hasil yang baik dalam kehidupannya. Tetapi oleh kerana banyak berfikir, perbuatannya kadang kala menjadi keliru. Dia seharusnya bertindak tanpa terlalu banyak berfikir untuk mendapat hasil yang yang memuaskan.


How true that is..


Well, from my POV.. I just have to be very careful. I sometimes had to turn to someone to ask for their opinion before I make a decision, but it does not mean that my decision is purely based on others' opinions. I just have to weigh the good and the bad before i make a decision

----

I just dont care, but in the matter of fact, I do

I FEEL SO EMOOOO NOW..

lol, i think its just my PMS playing up...

On the other hand, I've had a great time, doing things that I wanted to do, mostly alone.

Sometimes, some things just felt different.It definitely does feel different.

Maybe its time to play with my SLR, havent done that in such a long time!

dugaan

For the past few days, only Allah knows how stress I was, for reasons that I can't mention, or tell public.

Somehow, because of what happened, i see that a lot of people cared, only a few people know what really happened, and I had been so freaking emo about it, and lots of people asking why, and I feel grateful to have people that cares about me. I totally appreciate it.

What happened to me was my fault, but it serves as a warning so that I wont do that mistake ever again. I was too naive, too naive!!

But it's all settled now except this one last thing, which hopefully will be done in 3 weeks time.

Lastly, I am so grateful towards all the people who are involved with helping me out, I dont want to mention who, but you know who you are (if you are reading this blog) lol, walaupun mulut inda berkata, tapi hati ani bersyukur banar2.

This event also make me question, of why it happened. Allah knows best, and maybe he has something in store (a.k.a lessons, etc) for me, at this time, i dont know why it happened, but I am sure, behind this, there will be something good that will come out, Insya Allah :))))

Alright peeps.. ghost whisperer is waiting for me!! hohohoho

angry post

Salam

lol, i was just reading this one entry that i posted up onto this blog in january and hellllll, thats a hella scary one post. Lol...

I find it funny now and a bit immature that I wrote that post. Lol, im not going to delete it... just as a reference in the future :D, one of the major reason why I might wrote that post is PMS... it should be, if not, i would not write up an entry like that.

xoxo