Things happen for a reason

Summer holidays

2011-12-06T17:33:00.001+08:00

My fourth year of school is already finished, unlike most degrees, i still have my fifth yearcoming, and alhamdulillah.... Itd my finsl year. Just got my results the other day, and suffice to say, im hsppy with my results, could have done better but.. Yeah syukur alhamdulillah...I have been back in Brunei for 3 weeks now... Or less, hmmmmm.. But yeah, its been a busy 3 weeks...2 days after coming back home, I went to KL with waie and mama... To do a little bit of shopping...but mostly around the area of masjid india.. Lol, it was a shopping spree for me.. Imagine, 15RM for a pashmina scarf.. That is absurdly cheap!!! Lol, the thing is that there was just too many.. I felt like taking all the scarfs, but with limited budget, i cant.. Lol, the same goes with kain... I didnt take too much pics though.... Too budy browsing around.... And mom ought me a new wallet, coz i used up most of my money already.. Lol but yeah, was really fun, but at the same time, really tiring as well... I was so fed up with flights.... LolBut anyway, been brscing up for preparations for....... Its both exciting and stressful, coz the btb is not here... She's coming bsck this friday after 3 weeks in holland, at this time... She is in rome for holidays... Im so jealoud, but not too worry, i will be going there.. Definitely... One day.. Who knows if i do need to do my exams after two ye of working, think ill get another two weeks of leaves, and tour europe.. Lol Okay, my arms are tired with typing all this words... Tired from all the practice with netball yesterday......hahahaha today cuti padal im having this mild hives/urticaria... Haihhhhh

its about....

2011-11-02T08:01:00.000+08:00

Nothing much lol

This has been inside my head for such a long time

Just wanting to write this down

The more you dont know me
The more private I seemed to be

:)

Awesome vid!

2011-10-12T18:21:00.001+08:00

10th month of the year

2011-10-01T19:47:00.000+08:00

Time flew so fast yea?

9 months have passed now, its just.. unbelievable.....

That also means that it wont be long till I come back to Brunei... again.

Hehehe going to spend my second last 'real' summer holidays. Next year, going to brace for my final (5th year) of my course, then insya Allah, I will be back in Brunei and contribute my skills to the people of my beloved country. No jokes.. I am actually quite excited when thinking about the prospects of graduating end of next year, yet I felt... scared. I felt like ilmu atu alum lagi cukup di dada, if you know what I meant. Hehehehe

Balik brunei for cuti this year also meant that I am going to busy helping my family out for the first ever big event. Lol, I would not want to mention it now, nanti kena wrath from a particular someone, but yeah...

Also, I wanna go travel nanti. Dont know where to be honest. Told my parents that I wanna go to China for this 'Bruneian's trail to China' group tour, and its a muslim tour, meaning we'll be visiting a number of mosques (and other landmarks as well) and halal food will be provided, and if I am going alone, i need to pay around..... 1.7k Brunei ringgit.. tops and that is for 8 days. Well, I think the price is quite reasonable. Okay, might be a bit pricey than if I wanna go around, alone with my own iterinary. Lol, I will be lost in China to be honest, with not knowing how to speak the language, and read the signs, and with lots of people (which can be overwhelming), I prefer to stick with a tour group. Oh yeah.... know what, tryin' to persuade my parents if I can go alone, but nope... I was slapped with a big NO. hahahahaha, yeah... I was expecting that answer anyway but it is so difficult to find someone to go with, to be honest. Well, dad told me my little brother is going with me, if im going, and according to dad, its my bro's will to go with me. Hahaha yeah right... nope, thats not what I heard from lil bro. He's only going to satisfy my need to go travelling, and to be honest.. i dont wanna babysit for anyone.

Anyway, as usual.. i procrastinate. Its really tempting to deactivate my facebook account, but yeah... i felt it is unnecessary, just in case someone posted something about the exams and tips, so... lol.. i think i better leave my facebook as it is.

PS: I just realised I've been posting some seriously geeky stuffs. Lol, sorry if its boring to read! Hahaha

The start of oral surgery week

2011-09-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.r.b.

I am currently in my oral surgery week rotation, in other words.. extracting teeth! To be honest, it was quite terrifying, because I am being thrown into an area where I have no expertise at all. Other than theory, that was not applied until this week. I had a hand on extracting teeth today, and oh my... it looks easy, but it actually quite hard. Well at least for me. Some people said.. oh.. its really fun, but to be honest, that fun part.. it still has not kicked in.

Well, its part of learning. Isnt it?

On the other hand, I wil be able to practice all my injections. Alhamdulillah. Still need to practice more though... insya Allah okay..

Anyway, thats all for today..

The cute girl... not! hahahaha

2011-09-11T19:56:00.001+08:00

I know

I'm being so random

LOL, this pic was taken using Amni's fabulous SONY DSLR camera (cant remember which model.. sorry), lol.. the attempt of taking 'sel-ca' pics.. FAIL.. its just too near.. and yeahh.. hohohoho

Anyway, commenting on the pic...

I have quite a normal-high gummy smile line... my dentition, needless to say, I havent brush my teeth then, yet..... but it looks.. normal. Hehehehe

Im bored! Yet, i have to study for the visual interpretation test. The progress of my study? SLOW! So much to learn, and im really worried! haiihh, mudahan jua berjalan lancar! Amin amin amin!!!

That's all for the night

And ohhh.. this is my 28th post for the year, which is one more than what I wrote last year. So yippeee.. hehehe

Assalamualaikum everyone, and good night ^_^

one week break!

2011-08-27T06:51:00.000+08:00

Assalamualaikum,

Yayayayayayayay cuti sudah start. Alhamdulillah, but there is no time to relax because..... jeng jeng jeng........ have to study for this visual interpretation test after the break, i have my oral surgery rotation and.... an ortho book test! Wow... fun times huh...

That does not mean that I cannot have a bit of a break too. Hehehe, so my plans for this break is
1. Make some cakes for raya
2. Catch up with some friends and.... go ngupi
3. Watch some movies..
4. And ofcourse studehhhhhh

To be honest, i would like to go to Queenstown, tapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ............................................................................. malas kan cakap, will just list out what I want from queenstown
1. NANDOS
2. PATAGONIA HOT CHOCOLATE..

Man, these two things are the best! The best....

Ramadhan is coming to an end, and as I said before, I didnt really achieve much. Its sad in a way..... i do think i managed to improve myself in some aspects... but that's it. Insya Allah will try to improvise more! insya Allah

Last words from me for today's blog

For these past few months, I just realised my life is revolved around a few really good friends... Tempat mengadu, tempat bercerita, tempat itu dan ini. I'm lucky, am I not? heheheh Alhamdulillah :))))

if only...

2011-08-24T19:53:00.000+08:00

If only life is easy.. I would...

At times like this lah membuatkan diri semakin malass...

Im just so tired with all the clinical work

Partly my fault jua bah, cubatah bah ah... kana suruh sudah position duduk bisai2, masih jua kan dibuat yang menyakitkan diri in the end.. My shoulders feel so tight, my legs are sore from standing up for a long time (more than 1.5 hours), ditambah lagi the fact that I am not fit and I am fat! So.. hehehe hujung2nya ngalih, and seterusnya membuat diri supaya lagi procrastinate. Syabas mal... syabas!

Tommorow will be another day, another day filled with stress and worries. Hahaha dramaqueen much? I'll be doing my first endo case. I'm currently reading up on it, sounds simple but dont know when it comes to the practice, dont know if its going to be simple as it sounds. And i have to do it under 2 hours, LESS than 2 hours!! Haiihhh stress ehhhh, mudahan jua okay.. Rabbi yassir wala tu'asir ya kareem.. insya Allah...

Ramadhan is coming to an end soon, and I felt like I haven't achieved much. I felt so bad! Tapi mind ani macam procrastinate tia ganya. Its ridiculous.. im serious... Time cani ani tah sanangkan beribadah.. tapi inda jua banyak di buat. Mun sekadar few lembar of Al-Quran. Alum jua berapa. Mal mal, how can you become a good muslimah? Tapi insya Allah.. Ramadhan atau inda, will try to perbaiki diri ani further in the future.. insya Allah...

Bah anyway, xoxo end of this post, more to come. Heheheh

looking outside the window

2011-08-21T07:58:00.001+08:00

Feeling a bit.... blegghh,, wanna go out... but I cant.. I shouldnt... need to finish this one assignment T_T

Kenangan

2011-08-20T08:52:00.000+08:00

3 year+ has passed by, inda kerasahan...

Feels like it was yesterday.... I left Brunei to NZ to pursue my studies.

I came across this sketchbook. I had them even before I left Brunei, and friends wrote words in it.

This truly caught my eyes

' As time passes by, somehow that bond has begin to fade away'.. this was written nearly 3 years ago. Somehow that reflects how I feel now. Not by a little margin, but by lots.... we make new friends, but somehow I crave for my old ones.. hmm..

But anyway, enough for today.. and I should be off doing this -_-~~~

Salam xoxo

ps: lol, until now I still make a lot of grammar mistakes as I did in the first picture.

Love the way you ____~~??

2011-08-17T06:45:00.000+08:00

I wont deny this, but I felt a bit left out looking at posts on facebook, JUST A BIT, but on a happy note, im glad. Hehehehehe what can I do kan? Different places of study, and different times of cuti. My cuti does not coincide with them. Looking at their happy faces, and smiles... who cares if im not there, as long as they're happy. Im glad the bond is still there, though im getting inches (or probably foots) further away from those bonds.

That is another thing about being further apart for the sake of studying, especially when it comes to me. But then these thoughtS, let me just keep it to myself. Hehehe this thought of mine is not worth to be put into this blog.

School updates

Im definitely getting more busy now, I have 2 assignments to finish, deadline is soon!!!!. And then, lots of tests and exam assignments to be done. Yet, the calling of facebook and twitter is really strong, that I always procrastinate with these two webs, i wish i can stop. I probably can. Maybe I should do it.. hmmm...

That also means exam is getting closer. 2 months to go and im freaking out because im not studying as much as I should have. Goshhh, why am I like this?

Alrighto, need to prep for my clinic this afternoon.. Dentures clinic. Hahaha i think im in big trouble today, but we will see

update

2011-07-21T19:02:00.001+08:00

Wow.. blogger now has a new face! awesome! I'm awed by it, looks more user-friendly though.. hehehe

Anyway, I spent a month in Brunei for holidays. It was a quiet nice break, and I was able to have spent some time with my family. Thought it was going to be a boring holiday, turns out it was not. I was able to enjoy every second I was in Brunei, despite my siblings going to school, my eldest sister working in Seria, and Anis coming back during my last week in Brunei. All was well. Spent my birthday in Brunei too, but I hide my birthdate on facebook, see who manages to remember my birthday, and greeted me. Hahaha maybe my way of seeing who really care about me, call me childish but yeah, hahahaha, not so many greeted me, but I was happy, nonetheless! :))

So I am now back in NZ for my second semester. To be honest, I didnt want to come back. Hahaha been having too much fun in Brunei lah.

Turning 22 seems to add more responsibilities to my shoulders.

My dad has now begin to ask when am I going to get married. Lol, part of the reason is probably my eldest sister has a potential now, and I havent got anyone at the moment. The idea, however, seemed ludricrous to me. How am I going to get married if I dont have anyone special in my life. Hahaha oh yeah, I am 22, but love is a strange thing to me. I kept on saying this to my friends, but yeah, I dont know how it feels like. I had crushes before, but that does not mean that it's love. Now, currently, no crushes, no one I am having my aim at. Sometimes I feel like, if I continue on doing this, I would end up alone growing old. Something that I dont really want to happen to me. Lol, but finding someone that I would like to spend the rest of my life with, is just not easy. Not that im looking at looks, nor the luxury. Its just, finding someone who clicks with ME is not easy. I am not that easy going! People who're close to me should know that. Its like having this wall between me and the person who I just knew.

Anyway, Someone had volunteered to find me one, but if I dont have the commitment, how? Hahahaha, and me being fat is not helping either. Maybe I can't focus on two things at once. Now I havent even finish my studies yet, how can I think about love? Sudah kan belajar ani pun tekapai2, kan becinta lagi.. aduiiiii.. susah!

Hmmm... maybe I should leave these thoughts till next time.

posting

2011-06-28T14:09:00.002+08:00

Thought i just post up something here today....

Just wanna say

Only Allah s.w.t knows how I feel inside.

Enough said.

2011-06-26T19:11:00.001+08:00

ZULKAEDAH

Perwatakannya pendiam. Banyak perkara baik pada dirinya berubah menjadi buruk. Dia banyak berfikir, kerana sifat ini, satu hari nanti dia akan mendapat hasil yang baik dalam kehidupannya. Tetapi oleh kerana banyak berfikir, perbuatannya kadang kala menjadi keliru. Dia seharusnya bertindak tanpa terlalu banyak berfikir untuk mendapat hasil yang yang memuaskan.

How true that is..

Well, from my POV.. I just have to be very careful. I sometimes had to turn to someone to ask for their opinion before I make a decision, but it does not mean that my decision is purely based on others' opinions. I just have to weigh the good and the bad before i make a decision

----

2011-06-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

I just dont care, but in the matter of fact, I do

I FEEL SO EMOOOO NOW..

lol, i think its just my PMS playing up...

On the other hand, I've had a great time, doing things that I wanted to do, mostly alone.

Sometimes, some things just felt different.It definitely does feel different.

Maybe its time to play with my SLR, havent done that in such a long time!

dugaan

2011-06-21T16:18:00.000+08:00

For the past few days, only Allah knows how stress I was, for reasons that I can't mention, or tell public.

Somehow, because of what happened, i see that a lot of people cared, only a few people know what really happened, and I had been so freaking emo about it, and lots of people asking why, and I feel grateful to have people that cares about me. I totally appreciate it.

What happened to me was my fault, but it serves as a warning so that I wont do that mistake ever again. I was too naive, too naive!!

But it's all settled now except this one last thing, which hopefully will be done in 3 weeks time.

Lastly, I am so grateful towards all the people who are involved with helping me out, I dont want to mention who, but you know who you are (if you are reading this blog) lol, walaupun mulut inda berkata, tapi hati ani bersyukur banar2.

This event also make me question, of why it happened. Allah knows best, and maybe he has something in store (a.k.a lessons, etc) for me, at this time, i dont know why it happened, but I am sure, behind this, there will be something good that will come out, Insya Allah :))))

Alright peeps.. ghost whisperer is waiting for me!! hohohoho

angry post

2011-05-22T08:37:00.000+08:00

Salam

lol, i was just reading this one entry that i posted up onto this blog in january and hellllll, thats a hella scary one post. Lol...

I find it funny now and a bit immature that I wrote that post. Lol, im not going to delete it... just as a reference in the future :D, one of the major reason why I might wrote that post is PMS... it should be, if not, i would not write up an entry like that.

xoxo

considering things

2011-05-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

To be honest, im probably not as 'busy' as you guys are. I almost dont have any assignments to do, other than presentations, which as usual, i do last minute, and also tests coming up and boom.. after that, exam. I've been procrastinating all this while. Hahaha now I regretted it. Alhamdulillah, this made me realised 1 month before the exam. haahahaha kalau inda, abislahhhhh

Clinics have been making me so busy these days. Imagine only 3 hours of clinic per day from monday to thursday is already making me feel tired, apatah lagi when im going to work nanti. Its just, I dont know, quite overwhelming. The thought of me working, from 8-5pm, its just.. lol, too much at this stage. Looking into people's mouth at most 8 hours a day, hahahaha thats something.

I'm always tempted to do this to be honest, im not so sure if ive done this before, but yeah, sometimes I do want to talk about how my clinic went, how's my patient and the relevance to their overall oral health, what procedures i have done, what makes me stressed so much. There's so many things about dentistry that I can talk about, but when I want to put it into a blog, i just dont know what to write. Lol, and im not so sure about patient's confidentiality issue. Lol, but I see a lot of dentists post up pictures and tell readers their experience about being a dentist. So maybe I can do so, without compromising the patient's identity.

Hmm...

Maybe, we will see.

Hehehe anyway, Salam and have a good day peeps

Home

2011-05-15T07:30:00.001+08:00

Salam everyone

I miss home so badly......... batah lagi kan balik ani ehhhhhhh, i can't wait!! hehehehe

Anyway.. a friend of mine from facebook wrote this quote on facebook

'People change but if you change, you don't kick your old friends just because they are still who they are when you met them before. '

I've always had this issue in my mind on how people around me has changed. Well, not that I have this issue in my head recently, its been going on since I came back to Brunei for holidays after I finish my 1st year. Somehow I just could not really adapt to my friends. I wondered why... at first, of course I thought that its because they have changed. As time goes by, that kind of thinking faded away and I had the realisation, that maybe that they were the ones who stayed the same all this time, and the person who had changed all this while was me.

Pikir punya pikir, it may be true. I came to NZ to study, meet a new circle of friends, spending my 9 months with them and 3 months back home. 9 months ( X by 3 now) is quite a long time to change myself bit by bit in terms on how i think about things. I honestly don't know if my thinking around some issues has become more mature or has it gone backwards? That, im not so sure.

But coming back to the topic, really.. the quote that my friend has said, all this while, I had this in the back of my mind. Frankly, I wont deny that I have changed. It may cause some people a bit or a lot of discomfort, hahaha but yeah... sometimes i just can't help it. Kan cakap im getting more introverted and rather keep things to myself, its true in a way, but sometimes its not. Ahhh im contradicting myself now but anyway, yeah you get the drift. Hehehehe anyway, I dont want you guys to think that I'm writing this because of you readers, but rather, to remind myself about how I should not come onto the conclusion or specifically judgemental about people especially those friends/family that I have.

Believe it or not, for me, this is something that was not easy for me to do, but.. i've been working hard to try and not be as judgemental as I was before. hahaha..

This may be a confusing post for you guys, so hoped you had fun reading. Lol

Salam :)

PMS

2011-04-09T17:59:00.000+08:00

Salam

Turns out that I was really PMS-ing when I was having my bad mood. Putting on top of that, some people had irritated me to another level, lol... so explaining my outburst on some people. I know deep in my heart that its wrong to unleash it to people who are not guilty of it, but I just can't help it. I seriously can't control my emotions. If im happy, or sad or angry or whatever it is, i wont be able to mask it and make it as if im the opposite. I just can't. If im sad/angry, and i posed a happy face, that's just not me then. I think that's one of my qualities, and it is also one of my bad traits to be honest. Well people, you guys just can suck it up. If you dont like it, fine, i can't help it. Anyway... im trying to spend my time being happy if i can, well most of the time I am.. but just some of the moments make my mood go yucky! heheheh

anyway, im out.. salam :)

emo

2011-04-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

Lol,

I just realised how emo I was for the past few weeks. I feel better now though, inda ku tau kenapa. Maybe lots of things that made me upset accumulated, hence the outburst.

Anyway, i've been relaxing.. hahaha not that i didnt touch my books at all, just that... i didnt spend time on it as much as I should be. Tapi inda papa, still can catch up lah..

Okay.. thats it. Just wanna let you know that this PMS/stress mode is over.. for now

Cheers :)

if you only knew

2011-04-02T14:30:00.001+08:00

A lot of things recently had me feel so frustrated. I dont really want to talk about it, coz I rant out enough last time. Just everytime... everytime, i started to feel good, something just come over to my mind and crush it. Crush it like that. Now, i feel like i can't enjoy my free time ever! i feel tired, i feel stressed. Yeah im complaining, so what? should I just keep it to myself and make myself feel even more depressed?

I dont know why, but sometimes.. its just becoming too unbearable.

Just recently, someone just made me feel so pissed, eventhough its a small thing. Its just a freaking small thing, and im pissed.... i dont even know what's going on with me now. I dont know.... just let me be, you guys.. i doubt you guys understand. I doubt it.

updates...

2011-03-27T16:16:00.001+08:00

Salam everyone,

Just now, Buz reminded me of the existence of this blog. I did not, on purpose, neglect this blog. It is just that, my mind are full of things now regarding to dental stuff. Even I dreamt about teeth in my dreams. No kidding here. Its just been an intense month. Honestly, I have been really stressed out. I dont know whether I am doing the right thing now, its my fourth year now and I feel very conflicted about the course. It is interesting, of course, but me being stressed out and a lot of things to learn is just so overwhelming. Not to mention, I always feel anxious whenever I go to clinics. Its just insane how I feel anxious, especially on my thursdays clinic. I apparently had this one really good but strict tutor, who managed to make me feel stupid whenever I come to the clinic. Yes, maybe I made a bad impression on her since the first day, and gosh, it makes me feel so bad, until now. Yeap, its going on every week, and you know what, i always.... ALWAYS make mistakes. Always make mistakes on thursday clinics. Makes me wonder why I've taken dentistry in the first place, since I am not superbly good at studying. Somehow when I talked about this with someone, maybe because they're not me, they dont really understand how I felt. I keep on thinking on how to improve myself! Imagine, starting of every week, till thursday, I will so anxious that its hard for me to sleep. No, its not imsomnia. Its just I... i dont know. Somehow I hope I can just get out of this phase, when she would not just scold me in clinic. Seriously, if this continues, it will be bad... for me.

Anyway, there you go. An update. Sorry guys, I have nothing interesting, at the moment, to share with you guys. I'm just stressed. I haven't been going out a lot, to be honest. My weekends are filled with procrastination, and books books books books, and sometimes library. It makes me stressed that I don't have a regular thing to relieve my tension. Well, we play netball, and go to the gym almost every week, but I need something else to reduce my stress.

Anyway, enough of this, ill try blogging once my mood is stable.

Salam
:)

Updates

2011-03-06T07:18:00.000+08:00

Its been more than a month since I last updated my blog, and to be honest, i was quite busy with things. School started 2 weeks ago, and before that, I was busy trying to prepare the things that I needed to bring to NZ, and its been such a hectic month for me.

Since school started, I thought they were going to be easy on us, well just to let us adapt to school first before doing all the busy things, but they just threw us into it. It's just been two weeks, and i barely can breath. Well, except for a few things, I didnt touch my books at all during the holidays. I did acquire two books (i photocopied them) but I just could not find the mood to read them, because its holidays. I know its going to be really hard this year, i thought maybe I could relax during the summer. Hence getting back into school is just a bit challenging, i guess coz i need to refresh all the knowledge that has been given to us for the past two years.

Anyway, i guess I have to do it fast.

I will not say that I dont have enough time this year to blog, that's a lie. Ill try my best, ill try to find ways to update my blog regularly, hopefully...

Anyway peeps.. its a sunday, but I need to study. Haiihhhhh..

smiling

2011-01-31T20:11:00.000+08:00

Looking at others and looking at myself....

It seems that while smiling does come naturally to others, it doesnt come naturally to me, myself.... well, except to those someone who is well acquainted to me, someone who is really close to me, it is easy to give them a natural and happy smile.

For the past few days, honestly... I have seen past classmates... be it from primary school, or secondary school or even from form sixth school. Imagine how time can make me change, imagine how time can make two person, who were comfortable enough to speak with each other, not to speak or even acknowledge the other person after a period of time. Funny that this actually happens to me. Well, I dont want to speak of names, but to be honest, those people are in my friend's list on facebook. So now should I delete them? I was wondering, should I be the one who say Hi... or should I wait for the other person to say hi or hello to me?

I just truly find this funny.

Okay, looking at facebook for example.

You know how sometimes people travel to their friends' place, even after quite a while, they havent even meet each other and they were still able to converse comfortably. Well, i think they do keep in contact all this while, which in contrast, for example me... i dont really keep in contact. Maybe that's why the drift has kept on becoming bigger... so fault is on me I guess..

Sometimes I do feel bad, you know.. for not being able to keep in contact, and also i do feel bad because some people wont just acknowledge me, but then to think about it. My life and their lives... we probably dont walk on the same path anymore. Though I truly happy for them being happy even without me in their lives...

Anyway, enough said.

The reason why I even wrote this blog is that I actually spent time with a few friends today, and same with yesterday and the day before, they never ceased in making me laugh heartily. I just feel happy whenever I spent time with them, to be able to speak of things in your life freely than usual, its fun. I am just grateful, while it seems that I was the one who left this circle group of friends of mine (because of a rift), this other circle group of friend were there for me to spend time with. Not that I am trying to replace this circle with that circle, i dont replace friends. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I am just grateful that someone is there for me when I need them, when I need to talk to someone face to face. I am just grateful.

Anyway.. thats all

PS: Some people do know this, but if I dont mention anything to anyone, even if you ask me questions that I dont want to answer, dont expect that you could get me to say it.... hehehe

couple pictures

2011-01-23T21:05:00.000+08:00

Looking at facebook pictures...

Pictures of friends with spouses..

Pictures of friends with fiancee

Pictures of friends with their boy or girlfriends

Pictures pictures pictures..

couple pictures...

They all look so sweet that it made me jealous..

lol, not that I imagine myself in a picture with a significant someone, coz honestly, alum ku terpikir

but looking at their happiness, their smiles for each other.... its something that I feel envy about..

Wish I have that kind of happiness... Insya Allah, god wills..

F/F

2011-01-20T13:44:00.000+08:00

Why do I have to make the term 'forgive and forget' so difficult to carry out....

Remembering past events (which happened long long time ago) is so painful, yet I wondered why havent I been able to even think about that person (or the group) in a positive way.

Is my ego too big? Am I that sensitive?

It is definitely something that I need to work on

Creating pages

2011-01-15T14:56:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I have been thinking a lot

Im the type of person, who is definitely not compliant with writing blogs... so I am trying to change that around... and make this blog a little bit less....... gloomy.. hehe

Sometimes I wondered, should I even write posts regarding my interests which people might not even interested with. So I came up with this

I created 4 pages regarding my interests (well the top most interests - should painting goes in here as well? hahah... ) which probably need to be editted and words need to be posted up to the page...

Anyhoo.. hope you guys will enjoy it and tata

Salam

to go or not to go

2011-01-13T17:58:00.000+08:00

Depends on my studying mode... either my mood berkobar2 mau baca the books or not. Kalau inda... hohoho sesiapun lah, nanti tah tu ertinya ku membaca

My music list

2011-01-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

ambung

2011-01-10T21:21:00.001+08:00

Know what?

call me ambung if you want to.... if that is your perception of me, whatever... i dont care
call me pemarah if you want to.... if that is your perception, i wont deny it because its true..... but remember, if i get angry, there's always a BIG reason for it to have happened..

and you know what

i dont care if you wanna call me anything.. bitch kah, whatever....... i do not care of what you think

As long as I think I do not do something to hurt people (or their sensitive feelings)........ and you still call me names (even behind my back)... i will just ignore you.

Nya orang, if inda puas hati sama orang, confront. Yeah, jadinya kalau inda puas hati with me, TALK to me face to face. Aku mendangar. Well, depends plang mun ku rela kah inda... hohohoho

end point....... though tani kana ajar forgiveness ani penting, if you want my trust/forgiveness, you have to earn it. I wont just give it blindly to people.

You know what triggers me to write this post?

Someone enquired about something to me, well to be exact... why am I not out with them? you know what? I am busy! Im freaking busy at times that I dont even have enough time.................... would you believe that? up to you..

you know what..

you can think of a lot of reasons..

si amal malas kan jalan kah
si amal inda rela bejalan sama 'aku' kah
si amal itu ini itu ini

you know what hurts....

listening from others that I havent go out with them..

you know what?

extend that invitation to me..... then baru cakap sama orang.. if i said no, then talk about me behind my back.... ani alum jua apa apa, banyak complen.. si amal atu lah ini lah atulah ini lah...

sorry, tapi im not the kind who will ask that person first to go out for lunch, because im not flexible with time (well of course, with the exception of islam and buzz, and my cousins..or if im really bored) whatever...

think of whatever things you want to think about me....

yes..

i've changed into a more ambung person in your eyes... and im sorry, because there's nothing much I can do to change that perception of yours...

apa tu quote orang Malaysia

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh Luuuuuuuuuuuu

tut tut tut

2011-01-03T06:45:00.000+08:00

Wawawawawawawwa

adik adikku pergi sekolah hari ini~~~~~

sangatlah....sunyi....

cubatah cuti sekolah ani kana extend lagi

inda ku terasa boring sendiri

sipun ada kaka tua yang masih tidur di sebalah atu..

kan membawa diri bejalan, haha alum tantu...

cubatah abiskita beritahu

cemanatah kan mengurangkan keboringanku

paham?

hohohohoohohohohohoho

kawan

2011-01-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my dad about travelling.

About me travelling alone going to places, of which...... in the end, as always I was not allowed to go alone (except if ada orang menunggu at the other end) to which this topic was brought up.

Kenapa ko inda bawa kawanmu bejalan

I said... cemana jua... ada yang inda kana suruh parents, ada family issue, ada yang ada money issue, ada yang inda ingatkan diri (bila pasal makan baru ingat, no offence :))), ada yang malas... itu ini itu ini... susah jua bah eh

Too many things is in my mind now..... pasal kawan berkawan ani pun boleh jadi paning banarnya. Tapikan kalau kan dipikirkan, to have friends arent supposed to be that complicated, right?

So the main thing is that....

bila tani berkenalan sama orang..... BANYAK

yang tani jadikan kawan..... is probably LESS THAN HALF of those we know

but in the end.....

the only ones who stick by you in the end...

is not even a percent of the 'friends' that you know.......

Funnily enough, the world works like that...

In the end, Allah saja yang tahu why such things happened/happens to me. Maybe ada hikmah di sebalikNya...

*******

2010-12-31T21:32:00.000+08:00

If I dont mention it

If I dont say it

If I dont ask about it

Even if I have a calm/blank (or whatever you want to call it) facial expression

It does not mean that I dont care

kanyang

2010-12-26T20:43:00.000+08:00

Sesungguhnya, nya orang.... makan atu sebelum diri lapar hantap, beranti sebelum tani rasa kanyang (hantap?)..

iatah tu nah padahnya inda dgr cakap orang

padahya.... akhirnya..

diri terasa sangat bloated.

kan jalan pun malas

kan bangun pun malas

aiiiii.... ujung2nya tidur

mal mal.....

Time

2010-12-22T22:40:00.000+08:00

Time is of the essence.

I've been thinking a lot...

What should I do during this long holiday.

I've been telling myself that I need to do so, and there is no time to waste.

So I will be starting this soon....

I'm just gonna study all my 2nd and 3rd year stuffs...

Hahahaha, good luck with that Amal, you're gonna have to do it before you go back to NZ.. hohohohoho

Insya Allah.......

Miss

2010-12-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Just got a really good news from a friend. Truly happy for this friend of mine.

Speaking of which, I started to look at the pictures that I shared with this friend of mine, and I stumbled upon another 'friend' of mine, (just put in between 'x' because I dont know if that person still regards me as a friend) which i havent really talk in a long time, due to something happened,

Hmmm... so now this is like a confession, that truly comes from my heart which I only told two person since it happened. I realised that I really miss this friend a lot. Since then, I didnt really tell people about how I really feel about this friend, even to say the name, just made me think back of what had happened, which makes me really sad on why I have lashed out, and thinking maybe I needed space, a lot of space to think it over and over again. When I think about it over and over again, it tore my heart to pieces again, and I asked myself, 'how COULD you?'... 'How COULD you do that to a friend who's been by your side for quite a long time?' This guilt refrain me from reaching out to the friend, it seems like Im trying to ignore this friend, im not.. though i was being texted, i refrained from answering back because of this guilt of mine. Im such a weird person right? The solution is actually easy, but my heart and mind just wanted to make me take the complicated path, which I dont know if I can go back to it. Just thinking about this, makes me feel sad. How could I, as a person, would ignore another person who's been supporting me a lot before?' How could I?

At a certain point, I would think that maybe I would not cross my paths with this person. Maybe I wont see this person ever again, but it proves me wrong. Everyday, i would see this person's name, regardless is on the internet or the photos that I stumbled upon or the cards (birthdays) which this person signed and sent it to me.

I talked to another friend of mine about this and told this other person that its not easy for me to make the reconcilation, its not that I dont want to reach out to this person, its just that I dont know how to overcome the awkwardness... I just dont know how. My guilt made me feel awkward to reach out, entahlah, somehow... its so hard for me to just text this person and say hi. I seriously do not hate this 'friend', even to text on harijadi pun I didnt, because I feel awkward and guilty. For so long, I didnt get in contact, and suddenly on the birthday, I texted... for me, it really sounds not sincere. Not sincere at all.... 2 birthdays and I didnt say happy birthday.

And know what..

Dont know if this 'friend' is gonna read this... but all I want to say is Im Sorry.. and I am sorry that I could not say this in person to you. I just could not face you at the moment. All I can say it that I am not ready. Not ready yet at least. I am sorry for not even saying a word with you when we met because my lips just wont say anything, my mind blanked at the mo. I am sorry that I didnt treat you right since it happened, and I am sorry for being such a bitch. If I could turn back the time, I would to prevent all this from happening again but now, all I can say is that I am sorry.

-------------

2010-12-14T11:36:00.000+08:00

Sesungguhnya mood ku masa ani inda baik banar...

So.. i should just refrain from saying out anything that might hurt other's and my feelings..

and so I am out....

Till then, i will blog when my mood is heightenedly improved.....

when's that gonna be? I dont know...

Thoughts

2010-12-13T22:00:00.000+08:00

If you can read my mind, you will be surprised to find out what exactly the things running through my mind now. Holidays just made me think a lot of things. A lot of things. Some of you may know and realise that, you probably dont know much about me, as much as I know about you guys. That is how secretive I am. Yes, i do talk about daily lives and all, but do you actually know what's in my mind, really? Not that I think people as #$@@3.. because I dont. I prefer not to think of other people in a bad way, not even after I am on bad terms with them. Simply, if I had a rift with someone, I would think of it as mostly my fault, and not the other person and you know why? Because it made me feel better about the other someone.

As secretive as I am.... since dari dulu sudah, I had troubles conveying my thoughts and emotions to people. I dont know how to tell people my exact thoughts about certain things. Okaylah, for example..... this is just an example... not MY REAL example.... okay, for example a person who A likes... A so desperately wanted to find someone to talk about the crush with someone, but she just has difficulty in telling, even to the person who she trusts most. You get what I mean? I dont know, its just hard for me to tell someone about something. I dont know why? Is it because that trust is just not enough for me to tell someone else what exactly is in my mind. Looking at others, or maybe on facebook.... it seems easy for people to directly write out their feelings on certain things, for example "that girl is f#$king bu#$#@#$it...... such a dumba@#" I read this a lot on facebook, but somehow if I feel so geram hati with a person, or so sad with a person, I just could not do that openly.. or maybe tell other people.

That is why I tend to keep most of my thoughts to myself and not to others. Sometimes pikiran atu yang membuatkan diri want to explode, sometimes when I think of these thoughts, I feel really............. bleeeeggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...... Maybe I havent found someone right to share these thoughts with. By saying someone, Im not talking about THE 'person who I am going to spend the rest of my life with'.... What I meant, is just a friend who would want to listen to my thoughts and ramblings, and of course, vice versa.. Someone who could stick by me all the time. Somehow to find that kind of friend is not easy. It is not easy. Hmmmm.......

I dont want to be a 'friend who comes with benefits', of whom to be thrown away when not needed and to be called when needed or a friend who is just a substitute just because the other 'more important' friends are present. I dont like to be viewed or to be thought as such. Somehow I do wonder these 'friends' are which kind....

Maybe most people viewed me as such.... A friend who only needed a friend when she needs one. That is a total bullshit. To be honest.. I appreciate someone who appreciates me.. and apparently, not everyone appreciates my presence in their life. Sometimes I feel bad, because I seldom go chat with someone (Buz, Anis) when I am busy ( well, i AM busy now doing spring cleaning in my house and go jalan with my mom and siblings)....

People may think I am stupid enough not to realise something. I'm quite observant with people's expression, and I know if someone is particularly interested in something or to be exact, a conversation.... or not. Or maybe its just a feeling, but it is strong enough for me to think its what it is.

Anyway, enough of this. Too much free time just made me think a lot. Now I am just happy to spend MOST of my time with my mom, dad, aunts, siblings and cousins. I dont feel stressed, depressed when I am around them and these people are truly my friends for life.

Note: Buzz.. sorry batah dah inda ku chat. My internet sucks in my room, kadangnya ada.. kadangnya nada. Nanti tani chat ah... :))

-------

2010-11-26T10:20:00.000+08:00

Its been more than a week now, im back in Brunei. I was kinda hoping that this would help to rejuvenate my current being from all the stresses that I have this year. Alhamdulillah, next year I will only be focusing on my studies and there is no need to worry about this and that. I will have more free time to go out and relax *hopefully*, without having to worry about 'work', as I did throughout year. Its not that I hated the job, the fact is that I hated the stresses that came with it. I love it, its just that, im unable to cope with loads of stresses. So which means that I need to find a new way to cope with the stresses.

Anyway,

I was doing this introvert personality test, and hahahaha i think i have quite an introverted personality, well according to that test.

I feel comfortable around people that I know more about, than those who I only know sikit2. I love spending time alone, when relaxing, but that depends how my mood is. If not I will just go jalan-jalan or go shopping, sometimes alone, sometimes not. Around lots of people, more than 10-15, ill just feel quite overwhelmed SOMETIMES, but if im having fun, maybe not..

I dont know, i feel now in Brunei, having my holidays and jarang jalan2 especially with friends is making me feeling quite introverted. Well, i do have my siblings to go jalan2 with, hah.. to do that for 3 months... we will see.

I wonder sometimes, what should I do to fill in these free times. I do have a plan to study though... to make sure that I keep up when I start school next year, so bila kana tanya during clinic, I would be able to answer them. But now, I think i will put my studies aside first, at least for a while.

Hmmmm we willlll seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

My exams result came out... and not saying that I am really happy with it, but it suits my effort in studying for the exams. I will do better next time. For now, I am just happy that I passed, and happy that at least its not low! hehehehe I was particularly worried about prosthodontics. To be honest, I seriously was not expecting that question to come out, but luckily it was only about applying a certain topic. Sheesshhh nasib jua inda panic! mun inda... kadaboooommmmmm.... Alhamdulillah everything went well!

Camera

2010-11-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

I promised that I would upload this, long time ago. :P. I was too occupied with things. So here you go. This needs to be upgraded though. Maybe when I start working, ill start buying the additional gadgets. Masa ani, kering kontang poket, so alum lagi dapat bali. Insya Allah if there is rezeki, maybe will buy :)))) First thing to buy will be external flash. So will see how it goes.

^_^

2010-10-31T18:01:00.000+08:00

You know when you feel hurt or inda puas hati, you feel you want to make those who made you feel as such will feel the feelings that we had when we're hurt. Tapi come to think about it, in the end, you wont feel the satisfaction, instead you will feel remorse for hoping that they will feel so.

The mindset 'iatah rasaku tu' is not good.

No matter how sakit hati you feel, we should not have that kind of feeling at the back of our mind.
I just need to remind myself of it. If we dont like what happened to us because of someone's doing, you would not want anyone else to feel so, right?

Human mind is complicated.....

Heavily Guarded

2010-10-30T09:31:00.000+08:00

http://www.toonpool.com/user/562/files/cage_408815.jpg

Hyperrrrrrrr arrr

2010-10-29T15:07:00.001+08:00

Okay, one down and three more to go.. Phew phew phew phew.... Insya Allah, everything will go smoothly. Amin~!!!!

To another topic.

I want to SHOP!!! hahaha well, masa ini diri sangatlah kapihhhhh, iatah macam very discouraging kalau kan pegi shopping, especially time exam ani, 100% of your money will channel to food.. food and food. Coklat lah, ice cream lah, makanan for lunch/dinner kalau malas masak (because its deemed as wasting time)... and apa lagi.. yeah, pokoknya makan - makan and makan. I would not be surprised kalau aku makin lampuh by the end of my exam, which im trying to kurangkan now. Boohoo....

Anyway, just wanna share this. I've been having this since puasa. You know how sometimes when you sleep, sometimes your saliva drools out, which is normal for me before puasa, but then when puasa started, I have been having dry mouth. I dont know if its because I dont drink as much water, pasal I do, especially time sungkai, and sahur pasal takut dehydrated. Yeah, its just weird, weird to the point,when i wake up, i can't swallow properly, because it was too dry. Well, listing down the causes... medications can lead to dry mouth, (i dont take any medications), or if you have salivary gland pathological disorder kira macam autoimmune disorder like Sjogren syndrome, or to another point, which I am having quite frequently nowadays, which is negative emotionality ( easily stressed, prone to negative emotions, and so on). Okay, im going into this too much. Anyway, maybe when I destressed, like going back to Brunei, my dry mouth symptoms when I sleep will be gone! Hopefully, insya Allah

Anyway Salam

Exam fever...

2010-10-28T15:46:00.000+08:00

My exams officially starts tommorow and my classes officially ended today. Hahahaha its kind of funny in a way, well.. lectures ceased last week, but my lectures pun mana jua banyak weekly, like 2-3 saja, more clinics than lectures. So macam 2-3 hours of more free time, that I unfortunately wasted.

Anyway, wanted to blog today, not out of procrastination, but rather... because something very interesting and something that made me quite happy happened.

Its something to do with our assignment for this problem-based-learning group, and I was really2 happy with the marks given to our group, however, it caught me by surprise. It seriously did. When the tutor was explaining about the assignment, i was like ' jaw-drop'. Well, im not gonna complain about it, seriously made my day yesterday and today.

Anyhoo... im reading my notes while typing actually. Oral pathology! Okay, I think I better stop.. hahaha gotta continue studying! Adios

Salam

yadayadayada

2010-10-20T18:22:00.000+08:00

Funny, how I often blog, especially time kan dekat exam. Big word, procrastination, that is. Well, maybe its a start ya know, who knows i regularly blog again, but we will see. I have yet to post up the pics, showing what I have been up to, but i just cant be bothered now, will see how it goes.

Anyway... when was the last time I blog? Ooooh monday. Yes monday. So what was I up to for the last two days? Nothing exciting much. Did a filling in clinic yesterday, really nice patient. He does not complain at all, reminds me of my lil brother, but my brother is just way too chatty at times, this patient was not. Hahahaha anyway, was planning to do two fillings on him yesterday, but due to time constraints, I was not able to. Took me half hour to dig out the decay and another 15 minutes to fill it. Yeah, sounded really long yeah, as compared to those dentists working in NDC. I have really high respects for those guys. Phewwss,, with lots of patients in Brunei complaining and working under time constraints and pressure, seriously... salute! I hope I can pick up with those speed in the future, will learn to anyway.

Somehow Im back to the habits of 'stalking' people. You name it, celebrities, those people on facebook, wedding pictures in facebook (sigh, so pretty!), sceneries pictures taken by professional photogs.. well, of course with the combined effects of photoshop, of course the pictures looks nice. Im still learning with photoshop, slow I know, just that I dont have the patience to learn them. I prefer someone teach me at the spot about everything. It is easy to absorb when someone is teaching you, and provided you are listening anyway.

Okay, enough of my rambles... im out

Salam

Break

2010-10-18T11:43:00.000+08:00

Maybe I should do this more often. Blogging seems to takes things off my mind, so maybe I should try do this more frequently.

Anyway, clinical test this morning went okay I guess. I hope I score a lot in exodontia and endodontics! and perio and cario too.. insya Allah okay. .Sudah try and do my best? (im actually doubting this pasal i just started few days before the test) but anyway, what done is done, and I am hoping for it to come out well.

Less than 2 weeks to exam, which starts on the 29th of October (practical exam for oral pathology), and haha... im laughing when I think about this. We finish class the day before, or rather clinic. Can you imagine that?!!!! Uggghhhh... means that I have to start like now. Well, the good thing is that we have tests and one prac test before for oral path, so which means its pretty much covered (i forgot most of it anyways, so have to revise back).

Then growth and development (of teeth of course) which was being taught in first semester, and not being touch during this semester, and just realised that 20% of this module is going to be included in the final exam. HAHAHA yeahhhhhh~~ im scrambling to read that back too (i havent yet). Need to find articles for this since the lecturer really like 'quotes' or 'evidences' from articles. Wowwieeeee.... not so much time left!! So much things to do in limited time.

I am excited about going back for summer, but honestly, that excitement is overshadowed by the stress due to the upcoming exam. Haiiiiiihhhhhhhh im sick of studying, but what can I do.... 2 more years. Must fight this fight. 2 more years (insya Allah), then im going to come back to Brunei for good, insya Allah. Mudahan jua pass this finals with flying colours! Amin amin amin.

Good luck to those who's having their exams/tests.

The time has come again.

2010-10-17T16:39:00.000+08:00

Salam everyone..

Man...

I am soooo stressed!!!! hahahaha... ini kalau in long term can lead to more non- infective stomatitis and prolonged headache. Uggghhhhhhhh selalu, kalau kan exam, always! Always.. oh did I mention loss of hair too? Hmmm....

Anyway, this blog has been dead for quite a while now. My bad, dont have the habit to blog, used to be a big part of my life, but dont know since I came to NZ, i feel so lazy to blog. I do have the time, but I just dont have the urge to blog. Not saying my life is boring, I learn things everyday, maupun in academics or in life. Its just, i lost the urge. Plenty of things to say but dont know where to start.

I've become more introvert (quoting Buzz) nowadays. I feel more comfortable being a 'loner' than have to go forward and say something to people. It depends on my mood actually, macam ada timenya I feel like I wanna talk to people in general, but sometimes i dont feel like talking. Its weird. Well, when its during clinic, its a different story, atu jumpa patient, mau inda mau mesti cakap jua. Tapi at other times, im so malas to say anything, especialy with people who I dont click with, jangantah harap kan cakap banyak. Hmpphh, why am I like this? I need motivation!

Exam will be over in a month!!! I cant wait, its just the process is menyakitkan. ugghhhh sabar mallll~~ inda g lama..

Anyway, im ranting about me being stress...

I am out and gonna study for my 20% exam tommorow. Wish me luck, seriously, i need lots of it.

What I have been up to :D Part 1 - the trip..

2010-09-12T18:59:00.000+08:00

Christchurch's Cathedral Square at night

Ahoyyyyy~~~ Tranzalpine - at Arthur's Pass!!! Snowwww~~ weeee

A bag... bigger than me.. hohohoho i wonder how will it feels like if I carry this kind of bag

Before Kayaking - the nature is just so beautiful.. bliss~~~

Amni, excited!!!

Fatul also.. hahaha

Million Dollar Cruise (only cost $25).... it was cold.. Look how blue the water is... so pretty. Was told by Fatul why the water is blue... pasal the water originates from the glacier...

Makan.~~~ no nice...

Patagonia crepe with banana and ganash topped with double chocolate with Macamadia icecream.. EPIC... This is a must go chocolate dessert shop in Qtown. Their hot chocolate is the best!!!! the best!!!

Waiting for Fatul, Amni and Safiyah (they were paragliding).. me being the scaredy cat... not ready yet to go on paragliding... phewssss

Highlight: Me being drawn by a cartoonist... awesome...

After the trip, back in dunedin... birthday celebrated belatedly by lovely flatmates and friends... love you guys :)... hehehe icecream cupcakes from wendys...

Can it last forever?

2010-09-12T08:05:00.000+08:00

Can it last forever?

Money, wealth and fame? No,,,
Love and Friendship? It depends, maybe yes.. maybe not
Family? Yes..

What else?

Recent and past events made me think a lot......

There are not many things that last forever...

Enough said

Wowwwieeeee

2010-09-08T20:05:00.000+08:00

Wow..

I have forgotten that I have a blog. Hahaha im sorry my dear reader(s) ---> buz... sorry sorry..

July has been a really busy month for me. I had to handle two most important BSA events, international food festival and international cultural night. It was really hectic for me, and me, being stressed and all, and promised that I would not blog if im emo and stressed, explained why I didnt blog much these days. Hahaha... I am fine now, annual general meeting for BSA is over, and I ammm so glad im not in the committee anymore. 3 years in the committee is enough. As much as I love being in BSA, it has taken a toll on me.... im tired and that has been making me feel like I want to do something else next year, at least for myself. At least doing things that I really like.. maybe like baking cakes during the weekends and do things without having to worry about BSA, dont have to sacrifice my night time for study for BSA, im just soooo glad.. hehehehehe oh well,.. no offence BSA-ians.

Since I talked about stress... I cannot really cope with stress... well,.. Its making me feel like I dont have anything else to think about other than the things that I have been feeling so stressed about, hence not so productive So.. yeah, if you get my drift.

Pics from June trip will be updated soon :) I had an awesome time.. went kayaking.. went to Queenstown, one of my favorite place in NZ, and so on. Pics from other activities will be updated with the pics during the June trip.. Hehehehehe yeah, you will be surprised to see how busy I was.... what can I say, 2010 is a busy busy year.. haiiiihhh nasib jua my course this year inda sehectic last year, mun nda.. memang kepisan..
Bah thats all fr now...

Salam

Nasib.. nasib

2010-06-13T12:12:00.000+08:00


Free bar... 1 in 6 wins instantly. I was hoping that I will win a bar Turns out				....

---

-----

-------

----------

-------------

-----------------

----------------------

----------------------------

----------------------

-----------------

--------------

----------

------

----

Duiiii maa... Try again... hahahahaha *sialannnn..* hahahahaha

Trapped inside my newly built cage

2010-06-11T19:21:00.000+08:00

Im metaphorically in a cage now, staying most of the time in my room.. Guess what im doing~~.. it should be that surprising huh.. yeah, im studying!!!! studying for 2 papers.

The first one is Pathology, basically study of the disease. The underlying cause of it, what clinical signs or symptoms does it show, how can it progress, and how to treat it, basically all those stuff. Arghh, which i must say is not going so good atm. Im wondering why studying after I came to NZ has become so hard!!!!... now it just dawn on me that im taking all BIOLOGY subjects. Biology.. isnt really a VERY strong point for me. It is a strong point, but not as a strong point when i compare it with math. I love maths... just wondering why i dont take that in university, but anyway, im taking dent now.. so that should not be in question. Anyway, yes, im taking biology(-ical) subjects which requires a lot of memorising and not as much of understanding. Well need to understand the stuffs, but it requires so much of memorising, which is crrraaaazzzyyyy.. So much, how can i put all this into this not so big brain of mine.

And not only that... the need of knowing how to connect all the stuffs together. If there is mutation in this gene, what would it cause, what disease will it cause. There's too much, and in the end.. its confusing... especially for me.

Insya Allah, i hope that i will get through this, and so will the rest. Amin.

Enough of my rants

Salam :D

Line

2010-06-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

Today had me wondering, how do you know when you're crossing the line? Sometimes I do wonder if I had crossed the line, but i just dont know. Did I? Hmmmm.... oh well..

Well.. dont mind me if I talk a lot about dentistry stuff. Since I am gonna be a dentist in the future, it's gonna be one of things that will play a major role in my life, as a career. Well in turn, you ( who dont take dentistry) might learn something from this blog. Well, its not that I want to make this blog 'educational', its just part of my life now. OK?

Anyway, this afternoon I've had patient's clinic. Hehehehe well... it went surprisingly well, despite being so nervous the night before, but it went well, which is good. Patient is happy, tutor is happy and I am happy too :). I did walking bleach or non-vital (hidup) bleaching, for tooth that got discoloured because they had root canal treatment. In malay, its called MEMUTIHKAN GIGI. Anyway, its quite a protocol (or something that we kind of have to do ) to call patient the night before they came to our clinic. Hahaha and calinya, ia ani main bebet sama wifenya, when the telephone was ringing, and ia bet 'oh this must be Amal calling.' hahahahaha patuttah ia ketawa when he was answering the phone. Hahahahaha atu cali..., which means its kind of predictable that i was going to call. Hahaha he was telling me in clinic, because me, as the bengang Amal, didnt quite get the joke when I called him up, but yeah.. hahaha atu baru ia cali...

Some of you might know that I didnt want to take dent initialy, i wanted to take med.. but now, I am happy with my choice. I dont regret it. Before i accepted this offer, I actually dont really know what to do, I opted for med because that was one of the top choice that my parents want me to do, so I was thinking of doing med, and plus I want to 'help' people in that way, and maybe Grey's Anatomy/ER influenced me to take med. But now, I dont regret my choice in taking dentistry. Its fun to learn. Yes, its probably ALL about teeth, but there's a lot more to it. Its not easy, i tell you. Med has its own difficulty, Dent also. Its not easy. The basis is the same, helping people 'surgically' and using medicine. But yeah... I used to look down on Dent. Thinking..'boring jua eh.. gigi saja kan diliat tiap hari.. BORING!~~~~" but now.. hahahaha there's a LOT to learn, which is kind of hard, but very exciting. Anyway... yada yadi yadu.. im gonna stop here and continue doing my work!! heheheh

Salam <3

Oh no~~

2010-06-07T17:52:00.000+08:00

Instead of studying, I have been spending my time on watching tv. Well, not like most of the time, I did some studying, but its not as efficient as it should be. Well, the thing is, I have been renting the tv series 'Charmed', from season 5 to final season 8. Hah!!!!! Yes... well, if you know me a bit too well, you would know why I managed to finish all these seasons in a week time? Hahaha yeah, i didnt expect that to happen, oh well. I have to give myself reasons to finish it, because i dont like to stop halfway, being left wondering what's gonna happen next.

Well, I do feel guilty but I dont regret it :). Charmed is just awesome. I can't believe I stopped watching them. I can't remember why I stopped watching them in Brunei. Probably simply because... i can't remember the reason why. But anyway, its fun following all the episodes. I think i should watch from season 1 next time, till the end huh? My favourite characters... are obviously... little wyatt, because he's sooooooo cute... especially when he winked both of his eyes.. hahaha and Paige. She's just... hahaha pretty to look at. Guy characters? Well, if you look at personality and looks, i would choose Coop the cupid. Hahahaha he's just charming and sweet and romantic!!!! Hahahahaha maybe my kind of guy, but anyway......... yeah, i just really enjoy watching Charmed. Yeah, after the exam, and after the trip, ill definitely rent them all, and watch them.. hehehehe.. yeah..

Anyway, exam in about a week's time. I am not panicking, which I am quite worried about. Well, had the tests/exams last two weeks... so maybe it should be okay huh? But yeah, who knows.. we will see how it goes.

Salam :D

Relieving stress

2010-06-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

I still feel very...... grumpy now, I was grumpier in the afternoon, but i feel a bit better now.. Talking to someone from back home proves to be relieving, especially if you stress out too much

I think it was because of my assignment marks. Hahaha you know what the lecturer wrote on it? 'Interesting but you lost marks due to your sloppy references'.. Damn!!! I suck at doing references. Well, its my fault because I did it the night before we were suppose to submit the assignment, and my fault too due to doing it last minute. I could have gotten higher marks if i did it right, but what can i do ???? its okay.. i should have been more careful

Anyway....

I dont know why most of my conversation with friends will end up with marriage. Are we at the age, when we start to talk about it? Scares me you know, because I still cannot find one for it. Let alone talking about marriage. Im coming 21 this month, and still cannot find the love of my life, or whatever you want to call it. Its understandable since im fat and a bit ... eccentric in a way if you guys get to know me, but yeah. Haiiihhhhh we'll see how it goes.. Someone here caught my eyes.. hahaha and he's not even bruneian.. tell you, but i think its more like a high school crush kind of feeling.

On the bright side, tommorow is gonna be hectic. Have lots of things to think about... and im stressed thinking about it and my upcoming exams also which i havent really studied for.

Okay.. gotta go people :PP

Salam

Buzz

2010-06-01T19:47:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Miss Bazilah Zahari. Congratulations Babe.. coz you just have turned 21..

Hahahaha... in 4 years time, it will be the prime time of your life ( you know what i mean - after all 25 is the marriageable age for women, well. at least women that I know).. hehehehehe apa lagi guys... grab her.. FAST!!! hehehe jan marah ya :PPPP

But anyway, I hoped you enjoy your day today. I would have called you up, but I dont have phone card with me at the mo, hence could not do it.

Mudahan jua my 21 card for you has arrived, hopefully... if not, you can wait for it :D

<3 and miss you always.. Im a nappeun chinggu, i know that and im sorry for that. I hope i can find a way to make it up to you and the rest.

Anyway, this is a note from me

I just have this knack of being sensitive to some things and also to my environment. Not the environment, environment, but more of social environment. I can sense if something is going on, but it can be right at times, it can be wrong too. I just dont know if this sensing thing is due to me being sensitive or its just right. It annoys me. I would just rather be oblivious to this sensing/being sensitive thing, because hell, its annoying. It just make my head go spinning and make all kinds of speculations, which I dont like.. AT ALL. Oh well... its just life, isnt it ? Life cannot be perfect at all, well.. it can be almost perfect, but my life, isnt perfect.. at all. I have too much flaws that need to be addressed, but Im satisfied with myself, living myself as me. Im happy being me, and that's what all matters to me.

Anyway, as I said, i rather be oblivious to things. Being oblivious is sometimes stupid, i know, but if it can make you feel better, why not... if it protects you from being hurt, why not? Right...?? It seems like running away from addressing the problem, yeah... but for a while, being oblivious wont hurt. Well, that is just what I think..

Anyhoo.. Salam :D

The past

2010-05-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

I lit up my scented (vanilla) candle, and the flame just reminded me of my past.

There was a point in my life, when I really got into burning stuff outside my house, because my dad or my amah always do if there were too much leaves lying around arah our backyard. So i got into the habit of doing it eeeeevvvveerrryyyyy day. Hahahaha, i think i was 8 or 9 years old at that time. Yeah, i was and am still weird to this point. It was a weird habit... but I was just so into it, i think i did it probably for more than a week, everyday. Or probably less than a week, i cant remember, pokoknya i always do it after ugama school.. after 3.30pm ish. Hahahaha what made I stop from doing it huh?

I think.. maybe it was due to.. a pipe leaking, due to the burning that i did, which was near the pipe water, lying on the floor of the ground. Hahaha, then i stopped, psal takut kana marahi. Heheheh... when I think of it, it was quite funny and nostalgic. I can't believe that I got into that kind of habit. Anyhoos..

It also reminded me of when our house had blackouts and we used to lit up the candles and put many of it all around the house. I used to play with the flames, like you know how you just move your finger across the flame really2 fast. or pinch it, but do it really fast. My mom used to show us how she did it, and I was like WHOOOAAAAA, what the?? serious?? How?? isn't it hot? Hahahahaha, especially the pinching part, that was just.... incredible, hahahaha at that time. Well, im able to do that now, but back then, when you think doing it was just nearly impossible for you to, its just.. hahaha amazing.

Haihhhhh..

I was such a naughty girl dulu. Rebellious too... ohhh well.. its all in the past..

Salam :D

What a day

2010-05-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

Today, i wake up, missed my 8am lecture, barely made it to my 9am lecture, went to another lecture hall for the 10am lecture (AWESOME STUFF- forensics!!!! do you know that you can use your teeth as a form of identification? hehehehe) , 1 hour break used to study in the library for my pros test on monday, then back to the lecture hall for 12pm lecture. 1 hour break... went to afamosa to get the vege mince with noodles (nyummy), with chocolate custard puff and 2 egg tarts, all amount up to 11nzd, but its allll worth it...

Then... i have a 3hours SIM clinic, where I do drilling on fake teeth lah, and it was sooooo dammmnnnn frustrating!!!!!!! sheeshhh, i didnt get to finish even one task. Sanak ku, well, maybe i was already feeling frustrated, pasal the tutor SIMPLY forgot to attend to me, even after he said that he's gonna attend someone and come back to me. He just simply forgot, and I was being frustrated and starting to menyamal, i just continued doing my work, thinking that he can just check my work later, and then the cavity that i drilled is just TOO big and deep for him, he asked me to get another to work on. Okay, fine.....my fault... then i got another tooth, and before doing it again, i worked on another tooth, and i underfilled it, its okay, boleh buat nanti lagi, THEN, i started to work again on the tooth that i just replaced, and still the cavity is too big. I seriously dont know what he wants.... until i asked ka nisah, and yes i understand after that. Mental ku ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .... as Pat said, one of the frustrating things in dentistry. Too bad, i'll graduate in 2 and half years. Well, success will only come with hardcore studying, and that is what im gona try and do..

Anyway, the above made me feel so shitty even until now. Talked to Ka Nisah, and some good advice from Pat, talked to my sisters, and also other people made me feel a bit better. I totally feel like crying tadi at the sim clinic.. Argghhhhh that's how bad I feel!!!!!... anyhooooo..

Tommorow's gonna have a friendly game with the malaysians, and will go and study after that for zeeeee test on monday. Haiiihhh...

Reborn

2010-05-27T18:21:00.000+08:00

Hello peeeeeeeppssss

I am back again.

Recent events made me think whether i should relive this blog again... hahaha, end result.. now i did it.. :D

Last year had proved to be really hard for me, with all the conflicts being pushed onto my face, and being second year Dent did not even help the situation. Last year was basically HELL for me, so hard to think.. so hard to spare time even to blog, even more hard for me to spare time go msn and talk to my long distant friends. Yeah, you can say that as an excuse, but believe me, if you were being put into my shoes, you would feel the wrath, how cruciating it was... but Alhamdulillah, it all went fine, and here I am, in my third year... as smoothly cruising through my studies.. hahaha it was nothing like last year... this year was more relaxed and im a more happy person. I learn more this year, than last year. That practically proves that shoving all information into my head in such a short time is not gonna make me remember at all.

Hahaha.. looking at my past posts, which i have 'deleted' obviously, was sooooo EMO... I can't help it lah at that time, was such a depressing year, it totally buried all my happy memories... Hahaha cali because I was really being emo and depressed. Depressed constantly all through the year. Alhamdulillah, this year i have not suffered from bouts of depression, which is good. Im thankful because disini, i have lots of support... from the brunei people, and classmates. So, when im down, someone is there to cheer me up, which is good.!!!

Sayang, because im unable to lend such support to friends who are thousands miles away from me. I've been such a B#@#$ for not talking to you guys for so long. I've been trying to go online on MSN lately, because I've not talk to these people so such a looooongggg time, believe me.. I feel guilty and feel that im not a good friend to all my friends out there. Haiiiihhhhhh this is me being a bad person, i realised it, but i didnt do anything to change it.

But now, im trying hard to reverse that. With this blog, I hope to try and connect to you guys back. We havent talk in such a long time, to the point i dont know what's happening, and since I do not read people's blog as much as I did last year and the previous years, so.. yeahhhhh... end point, i feel bad, and K, dont try to rub it in. Hahahaha i know what you would say.. but anyhoo...

Anyway, what I've been up to??

Since dari Brunei, I've been busy. With.. netball practice, for a tournament organised by BruONZ. Well, at least kami inda nombor buncit, hahhahahha but yeah, i was busy with it for 2 months. Not only that, we need to practice for BruONZ gala night, in which I sang in it, but sadly, I do not hold any recordings for that, my bad.. because Syazwan doesn't know how to operate my baby camera at that time, so nda papa..

Spent a lot of time with family, got ups and downs believe me, but yeah, it all went well. Not forget to mention, i managed to gain lots of kilos from binging all those food without any exercise. So bad, that's why this year I wont be going back to Brunei. Im planning to shed all these kilos before i go back. Hahahahah YEAH RIGHT!!!!! As if i can do that... so hard to do, but so easy to say huh???

I met my kesayangans WALI and AFIF (adik2, jangan jeles YA heheheheh)... spent a helluva time with them. Awesome. I get to see Afif to walk from merunggau, I get to see wali, which I missed so much while I was in NZ. Even until now, I kept asking whether he came to my house atau inda.. That shows how much I sayang him regardless him being so naughty. Serious!!

And here in NZ, studying and starting my post as president of Brunei Student Association. We haven't started to get busy, but after the cuti ends, ill be really busy.... with cultural night and international food festival. I feel the stress already. Arghhhhhhhhh so much expectations. Takut ku banarnya!!!!!!!

And the list goes on..

Im sleepy already.

Ill show you guys my baby camera nanti.. and ill post pictures on this blog.

Insya Allah, ill try to update this blog as often as I can, and whenever Im rajin..

With this, bye people and all muslims out there, Salam :D

Things happen for a reason

Summer holidays

its about....

Awesome vid!

10th month of the year

The start of oral surgery week

The cute girl... not! hahahaha

one week break!

if only...

looking outside the window

Kenangan

Love the way you ____~~??

update

posting

----

dugaan

angry post

considering things

Home

'People change but if you change, you don't kick your old friends just because they are still who they are when you met them before. '

PMS

emo

if you only knew

updates...

Updates

smiling

couple pictures

F/F

Creating pages

to go or not to go

My music list

ambung

tut tut tut

kawan

*******

kanyang

Time

Miss

-------------

Thoughts

-------

Camera

*^_^*

Heavily Guarded

Hyperrrrrrrr arrr

Exam fever...

yadayadayada

Break

The time has come again.

What I have been up to :D Part 1 - the trip..

Can it last forever?

Wowwwieeeee

Nasib.. nasib

Trapped inside my newly built cage

Line

Oh no~~

Relieving stress

Buzz

The past

What a day

Reborn

^_^